Understanding Petroleum

Dr. Claudio C. Araujo M.D., F.F.Hom. (Lon.) ey al.

Petroleum feels oneself as an orphan, a foster child, has she feels as if she had

no mom and daddy. Besides, she doesn’t recognize her actual family as her true family. She was given to foster parents at birth, now living with a foster family. That’s Petroleum surroundings, her first impression of reality.

She will estrange her own mom and siblings, believing that she was not part of that family since she was born. She was robbed from her true parents when she was a child. She will grow making fantasies like she doesn’t belong to that family, that she has been adopted. Her father and mother are not her truly parents. She will cling herself to her nanny, to a therapist, anyone that she can use as a support for her life. The prover dreamed with children who had lost their true mom and a near-future a stepmom is coming around, and that woman is an evil person.

There is this dream about a hawk with some interpretations done by the provers. But if we establish a relationship with the other symptoms, again is related to a family, better saying - a baby that has been taken away from his family.

Stepped out on porch and saw large bird - believes to be a Hawk – this felt odd as we live only a block from the bay and never seen a hawk in the area – I said to my kids look at that hawk what is it doing? And at that it turned and looked directly at me and gave me this look as if it were challenging me – like what are you going to do about it? Then it sat there stalking sparrows in the bush then suddenly flew into the bush, moving quickly back and forward in branches finally emerging with baby sparrow in its talons and all the little sparrows were crying and my kids were crying and I felt very upset and angry at this bird. He just seemed cold and calculating to me, bothered me for some reason.

She’s missing her loving ones. Many provers are feeling symptoms of longing for her family, parents, brothers and sisters. But it seems that she misses something that had gone a long time ago.

Dream: Feeding family members (most were deceased aunts and uncles). They were very alive and in a festive mood. The setting was a beautiful park. I woke up thinking of the last time I would have been with these folks. The feeling was somewhat nostalgic. 

Dream: Involved instructor’s family, the mom had died from a heart attack (prover stated that she didn’t see this, just knew that had happened). I was babysitting instructor’s 2 kids while he went out on a date; he brought his date home to meet the kids and she was a very beautiful, dark haired woman, dripping in jewels and dressed very provocatively. She was very phony nice to the kids (prover stated that, but in the dream I was thinking what a coldhearted, manipulative bitch and was, thinking she would never be a good step-mom to the kids). After they left his daughter who was about 10 was very upset and crying saying I hate her and don’t want her to be my step mom but daddy says he needs someone to kiss. I felt very protective of her and picked her up and rocked her while she cried on my shoulder and I was singing her this song – everything is going to be all right, rock-a-bye, rock-a-bye. 

I was really feeling for her sadness and pain at losing her mom and now her dad and I wanted to make it all better but I knew I couldn’t make the hurt go away-then Instructor came home from date and the daughter was jumping all over and kissing him then he put her to bed; I was downstairs cooking him some eggs; he came downstairs and I told him how upset his daughter had been; he sat down and was shaking his head and said I didn’t think it would be this hard without my wife. Then he talked about how hard it was dating and how this lady was not very nice, was not what he thought. He looked very dejected and sad and again I felt very protective and put my arms around him and was rocking him and singing the same song to him. Then he got up and started singing the song with really exaggerated movements and expressions kind of like a rock star; it was a hopeful feeling like everything would be all right (prover stated that the overall feeling and theme of the dream was longing for mom, nurturing, protectiveness, kissing, sadness and empathy, singing and hopefulness)

She felt reject by the others. An outsider. Even during a funeral, she is dressed out of fashion, “unsure what to wear” and expulsed.

 

I was unsure what to wear. I was standing in my closet. Then I was entering the service and I was early. A lady who had upset my friend way back when was inside and she started yelling at me about who I thought I was and about where the family was going to seat and just carrying on about who knows what. I walked out and the room I had been in was so dark when I went outside it was so bright, that I was blinded by the sun and I was just standing there stunned and distraught over this lady’s actions and my grief and sadness and the loneliness I was feeling. I was back in my closet and wasn’t sure what to wear. 

Not properly dressed.

Went to a party, felt very isolated socially. 

 my grief and sadness and the loneliness I was feeling. I was back in my closet and wasn’t sure what to wear. 

She has lost so much in her life, to the point that she has nothing more to give. Petroleum can’t be needed. She can’t help. She can’t be a mother or someone that will help someone else or even give support the others. 

That’s why she wants to break free, to enjoy her life, with no boundaries, no responsibilities; after all, she lost so much, it’s her time now to live her life.

As a child she has these strange dreams and visions of small animals, birds, fantasies – probably her room will be filled with small teddy bears, birds, small creatures – and she will dream about them. 

She will be someone with a good appetite for all of her life. 

Among all of this tribulations in the beginning of her life: trying to resist to that estrange family; to survive to her seductive and evil (step) mother; gathering a group of growing ups around her in order to find protection and support in this dangerous and violent world - along comes confusion.

Reality around her is a mess. She is confused, she loses her belongings, forgets her compromises and her bills and her dates. She writes down lists and lists, trying not to forget her daily duties, but it’s useless. She can’t trust her memory; she lost her way on going to work or driving herself back home. She’s disconnected from reality.

During childhood she had problems at school, mostly with math. She could never be a good student, not because she didn’t want to learn or reach good marks, but her intellectual faculties never allowing her to focus or to remember what had been studied before. 

She is now bringing forth all those difficulties to her adult life. She can’t trust her own capability of store information or use it afterwards for her own good. Everything is confused and disconnected.

She needs support and she needs affection, family, protection and she can’t trust her own judgments on whatever subject that may come to her attention.

Roving through her live, as an adopted child that longs for affection and support, she’s drowned into confusion and lack of orientation. She refuses to have a family, there’s this deep dark hole in her life, this internal absence of parental love that now works as a blockage of her own affections towards her possible future husband and children – how can she give any affection and caring if she is in the need of so much help and love?

She needs protection, someone who takes care of her, someone assured of his own affection towards her That could be maybe a psychoanalyst, someone much more older than her or even a husband who is not asking her to give him children. She needs to be guided, to be held and to be taken by the hand. Otherwise she will be lost, out of memory and with no orientation whatsoever. She needs to build around herself a bulkhead of insurance and affection, even may living – as a result of this attitude - a life away from society, a life of distance and quietness. Many symptoms in the proving are related about her feelings of distance from the others, both as a sufferance or as a protective reaction.

She needs freedom. Petroleum needs the air blowing in her hair, but at the end of the journey the car that was taking her fleeing through the speedway didn’t belong to her – and worse – at the end of the journey its tires are flat and the car is wasted. Her freedom – she founds out – is not real. It’s only a momentary escape that felt into another situation, more difficult and filled with bad consequences.

Dream: Then I was driving a car, old falcon/mustang type thing with my daughter and her best friend in the back seat. I was driving really fast and peeling the tires around corners. Driving in the shoulders of the roads to get where I wanted to go, peeling around town. All three of us were having fun, laughing hair blowing in the wind kind of thing. Then when we got home in the driveway, I realized the two tires on the driver side were flat. Not just flat but rubber worn off from skidding. My daughter’s friend said that her mom would be so mad that I had flatten(ed) the tires. I then realized the car wasn’t mine and I needed to have the tires repaired. I woke up thinking about if I was going to call auto club or just go down to discount tire) was feeling perplexed that the tires were flat even the spare was flat and that the car was so old and disintegrating. 

Petroleum Groups

Symptoms from Hahnemann, Hering, Allen & Kent

Dr. Claudio C. Araujo M.D., F.F.Hom. (Lon.)

Humor

Feeling Calm

Overall, I was in a relaxed state of mind where I didn’t get excited about surprises and was not worried about anything, especially work (147 00:02:30)

Very calm and focused (147 10:00)

Feeling calm, comfortable w/new people, higher self-esteem (147 09:00

Very calm (147 10:00)

Husband woke her up bellowing, kids still asleep – usually tend to get knots in stomach and normally would have jumped up and intervened, which would escalate – just stayed in bed and did not get tense feeling of knots in stomach – was not reactive – felt like no problem – calm (158 00:12:28)

Euphoric

In dreamlike, blissful state – smile but soft smile – gone 1-2 minutes 253 00:00:40

No stress…not tired; normally somewhat stressed the night before going to S.F.  Calm (154 00:10:15)

Overall, I feel much better than I had for a long time, more energy, not stressed, see everything calmer (154 01:00)

Was driving home and feeling very wide awake and happy, almost euphoric (prover stated that was unusual, normally when driving home she is usually tired – was overly euphoric – though she may be somehow proving the flower that she was fascinated with earlier in the evening (158 15:23)

Feel a lot of energy, feel a strong need for order, busy cleaning (and) tidying. (149 08:75:00)

Went directly to bed without picking up anything like normally would (158 12:00)

I seem to have misplaced my organized planning mind for a very happy go lucky. (156 day 6):

Still feeling very energetic, went to bed anyway, could not go to sleep, remember last looking at clock and it was 3 am; my mind was racing, thinking about all kinds of things. 

Went to a time share presentation with husband and I just started laughing and giggling uncontrollably before we went in and there was nothing funny, just stared giggling and really hard throughout the presentation would just state to shake and laugh, had to excuse myself at one point to go to the bathroom, was just laughing my head off; (158 16:18)

Feel gigglier and more childish (both days) (154 02:00)

The father was inches away from hitting her and she was laughing at him. (151  04:00)

(Supervisor: prover was totally laughing while relating this story and could hardly get a grip on herself – very odd, stated she had tears running down her face) (158 16:18)

Again (prover stated that the only other time she had the laughing, giggling part (not the crying though) feeling was when she would smoke pot) 158 16:00)

Driving home told my husband that I am very unstable right now, kept alternating between laughing and crying and was also driving which was not good; this was most unusual this rapid change from on to the other (158 16:21)

When called supervisor was still feeling unstable, at that point was feeling more sad, very not normal, but after relating the story now laughing again (158 16:00)

Laughing and talking like after that first glass of champagne. (156 day 3)

Giggle and silliness funny tings I think all the time to myself (that I would never share out loud) come rolling out (156 day 4)

I am unconsciously letting out my funny thoughts or act funny to what the person is saying (156 day 5)

(Observed) My son commented Mom that is really funny”. (156 day 5)

I am often very spontaneous with these (humorous/funny) outbursts. I had to really contain myself at study group. (156 day 5)

My humor tends to make things appear silly not mean or judgmental. (156 day 5)

Decided to go and don’t care about homework; on way out stepped on paddle ball and decided to play (unusual! normally I would get upset of the big mess on the floor); felt childish, played for 10 minutes (154 00:02:00)

Anxiety

Still some carrying over of anxiety 

Later in the day anxious, found myself anticipating what could go wrong (149 15:00)

Supervisor note: Small panic attack – pre hot flash thing – has had before – this one more intense – antsy, anxious, agitated, panicky – looking for something bad to happen. (157 no day given)

Supervisor note: Relaxed today, but more anxious-underlying anxiety – escrow stuff (157 no day given)

Felt like had an anxiety attack come on quickly, stressed feeling, fluttery feeling in chest like butterflies, feel very bad and depressed, feel like crying, having difficulty breathing – feel like in a dark place (gloomy, dark state (came on for no reason out of nowhere) felt different than ever before. (Prover stated used to get depression feeling, sadness, sobbing 3 days prior to start of menses which felt more hormonal, unlike this feeling). This seemed more like anxious, really nervous, anxious and depressed but not despairing sadness, felt like couldn’t get breath or get enough air in, really nervous, breathing difficulty lasted for about 15 minutes, the depression lasted about 1 hour 

Irritability

During the day I felt some irritability on small issues

Very irritable and outspoken about the things that bothered me 

Felt extremely irritable. Snappy at house guests; just felt like don’t look at me or I will bite.

I felt irritable, pain would start then stop 

Supervisor notes) She got very brisk and irritable when I asked questions. (151 00:00:00)

Other people commented to her today that she was irritable and crabby. She did not notice this herself

Easily frustrated and irritable. 

She was intolerant of son’s negative attitude today and got mad and walked off (usually she is very patient. Later in the day she threw a major tantrum over another incident. She is very irritable 

.Supervisor notes: Upon trying to clarify some symptoms on earlier days, the prover got confused, frustrated and irritable. 

The itching continued today but was less frequent. Prover is getting irritated by this itching. 

Prover is “hypersensitive to everything” – heat, touch/ She is irritable and everything seems harsher and bigger than they are.  “A cumulative effective of 3 hot days in a row She is irritable and everything seems harsher and bigger than they are. (151 21:00)

Prover stated she had talked to husband at breakfast about doing this proving, he said that it has certainly affected my libido that it has gone to zero; he said you really find me disgusting, don’t you? I told him very matter of fact that it wasn’t that my libido had dropped, it was just the thought of having sex with him seemed really disgusting I said don’t take it personally I think it is just this remedy. He laughed and asked how much longer do I have to do this proving. He also said that I am very quick to anger, impatient and irritable, which is true, especially with him and the children. I make all 4 of my younger children cry today. I yelled at them in a very irritated, mean tone; it was all over really small things, like knocking over glass at dinner table, playing hid and seek in the closet and knocking clothes over, things like that. Normally I am pretty calm and these things don’t phase me. I just take them in stride, that’s why they all cried, because mommy doesn’t usually get mad at them like this. I told them just get out of here I don’t want to hear you crying. I was not very sympathetic at all

Lethargic yet feel optimist/light-hearted. 

Lighthearted, lethargic and rather nonchalant 

I awake with intense internal feeling. A little manic. Very uncomfortable, speeded up feeling, like my internal perceptions are moving too fast. Not a good feeling (145 

Quiet

I don’t want to do anything and don’t care too much about it.

She sounds dull, heavy and boring (148 04:00)

No physical sensations other than feeling like a rock or a log, wanting to sit very still and not move or talk to anyone. 

I desire nothing.

At the party made no effort to socialize, had good conversations to those who talked to me but otherwise made no attempt to engage anyone in conversation, did not go out of my way (Prover stated that this also happened the day before, except that the difference is that she really did not know many at that party, but did know most of the people at this party) 

Went to a graduation party and did not feel like making any attempts of socialize, just sat w/husband and kits (prover stated that she did not make any attempts to socialize with others, felt okay with this, normally would feel bad if did not socialize, did not care today) 

Don’t feel like talking much. Feeling real quiet. Feeling mineral like. Went to lunch and didn’t talk much Just felt like sitting there and observing everyone else around me Supervisor: she is quiet today and sleepy. Quiet at lunch as well, more mellow than usual. Didn’t talk at lunchtime. Just sat quietly. Don’t feel like exertion any energy today Once again feeling really quiet and not animated like usual (Felt more reserved and normal during study group (prover stated just didn’t say as much as normally would or ask as many questions as usually would-just felt like being quiet and not talkative, felt also like brain was no processing information well

Anger 

Aware of anger with myself. Anger from fear. Anger at swallowing words. 153 07:09

I am very quick to anger, impatient and irritable, which is true, especially with him and the children. I make all 4 of my younger children cry today. I yelled at them in a very irritated, mean tone; it was all over really small things, like knocking over glass at dinner table, playing hid and seek in the closet and knocking clothes over, things like that. Normally I am pretty calm and these things don’t phase me. I just take them in stride, that’s why they all cried, because mommy doesn’t usually get mad at them like this. I told them just get out of here I don’t want to hear you crying. I was not very sympathetic at all 158 23:08

The dog urinated on the carpet and I got angry (out of character) 

She wanted cold food but was pissed off that she had to buy the food, prepare the food and then clean up. “pissed off that she had to eat”. She felt that if she never has to touch food again it would be fine (151 04:00)

She feels pissed off in general (151 04:00)

Supervisor’s note: She was very pissed during the whole conversation as she related the facts of the day to me (151 04:00)

Husband told me that I am grumpy and he can’t wait until I am off this proving; we are reacting to each other today and I am yelling, due to the cantharis remedy I just ought is missing and I bought Calendula ointment and now lid is missing, after 1 day. I am giving the lecture and of course nobody listens, and it is the same stuff that happens all the time, don’t put things back where they go and it feels like they are irritating me more than usual.

Got upset when got into van to drive to park, husband wanted to turn baseball game on and I wanted to turn it off, was irritated that we couldn’t just have a conversation and he felt like I was being really picky and wanted to know if this was the remedy or are you always going to be like this and it made me really mad, did not want to talk to him, whole time at part, just sat by self and watched the kids, did not speak to husband, mad at him, put me into a depression after that and lasted the rest of the night-I couldn’t get happy or show any expression even to the kids, could not get enthusiastic or cheerful at all 158 17:19)

Came home from the grocery store asked husband to please put groceries away while I started dinner. Instead, he walked out of the room and told the kids to come do it. I instantly snapped and said they are too little to put them away properly, I will just do it myself and was banging things around. He said Wow you don’t even give me a change (chance?) you just get so angry fast. (prover stated the feeling is not so much anger as irritation and disgust and feeling like I have to do everything for everyone with no help) Snappy at house guests; just felt like don’t look at me or I will bite.

Quick, violent anger at imagined occurrence > walking. 

Dream: Dreamt of having a conflict with another man but didn’t feel threatened by him. Threw him over my shoulder and broke his arm. The victory was not a surprise. (He knew he could do it, but not a macho thing) 

She lost control at Diary Queen and yelled at a child that was picking on her (the child’s) little sister. She (the prover) thought the child was out of control. 

Sadness

Each plunge into a panic alternate with sadness with no weeping. 

Noticed a feeling of malaise, melancholy come over and sighing a lot (prover stated this lasted from 3-7 mp about 4 hours – and that there was not a precipitating event) – had this feeling of weakness, like could not lift arms or anything, almost like a plant drooping from lack of water)

Went to potluck, barbeque, bonfire on the beach with kid’s school. I put no effort into helping the kids get things ready or preparing the dish to take, husband prepared the food and had the kids get their own stuff ready to take. (Prover stated that she just didn’t want to do it, didn’t feel well and did not make any effort at all to help, nor did she feel bad about it – also that this was unusual as she is usually the one who gets things ready for the family

Prover also stated that when she saw me at study group that she had no way to tell me about how she was feeling, couldn’t express it or think of how to describe to me so didn’t say anything, just didn’t really know how. - I also noted she was quieter / no speaking as much as usual (158 02:18:00)

Have had depression all morning, sighing a lot, feeling like husband being really mean to me, thinking I want to divorce him, just want to get away (Prover stated she felt like her reaction was out of proportion to the even)

Driving to study group can’t get out of dark place, don’t even want to listen to radio, sighing a lot. 

Weeping

The irritability has changed to a feeling of weepiness.

She felt like lying down and sobbing (this feeling lasted about 10 minutes or so) “total exhaustion and total prostration”.)

Just noted that during the graduation ceremony did not cry (prover stated she would normally cry at an event like this 

Restlessness

After first dose today (9 doses by now) couldn’t sit down and concentrate, great restlessness, inside, desire to move constantly; restlessness is not new but not as bad, didn’t have it for at least a few weeks (it normally comes and goes (154 02:00)

Woke up very restless and agitated, fell asleep okay after about 10 minutes (157 00:16:30)

With Oneself

Fear

Called me, was still scared due to stating we just had an earthquake, still in the fear. Was cleaning the pantry and house was shaking – started to get mild headache – feels as if due to fright (prover stated that the fright stayed with her for hours which her daughter pointed out to her (158 07:15

Prover stated she felt as if her heart was racing really fast, fluttering feeling in chest, almost like after something horrific or shocking happens, almost hysterical feeling  

I saw something from the corner of my right eye. It makes me turn quickly. But nothing is there. This has happened a couple of times this week. It startles me. A slight movement makes me turn quickly to see that is there…and nothing is there 

Dream: I was with a group of people in a dark small setting, boat or apartment-cramped feeling. People were being killed off, strangled by someone hiding in the dark. I would see the people being strangled by a wire as they were lifted off the ground. I would see their feet come off the ground. As the numbers were dwindling I was attached to a small child whose mother was among us. Then the mother was killed and the child and I found her. She was all puffy and looked like plastic with something stuffed in her mouth. There were only two others left with the child and myself. I woke up from my dream at this point. I was unable to move from the bed, and I was very disoriented and couldn’t remember what day it was. I tried to get up to write the dream down but was too solid to lift up. (I was terrified and stricken with horror to have to witness the murders (156 01:00)

Own physical image changed

My own image abdomen begins to decrease in size (eyes are closed, but with touch, mine is not enlarged) 

Dream part of my head has been shaved, hair long at back part of top shaved with a build up of hair in the back

In my dream, worry about having a flat stomach. Then I realize why am I worrying about a flat stomach. I’m five months pregnant, I shouldn’t have a flat stomach. Then in the dream I realize it is okay to look like this because I’m five months pregnant and you’re suppose to look this way. 148 2:00

 Had vision of deep red rash spreading over that area of foot.

 Large, fat

Large, he himself seems too

Feeling extremely fat, especially in abdomen area (supervisor note: She also still feels stomach is fat and has no appetite. Her stomach doesn’t look big and doesn’t feel bloated, just feels like it is huge. 

Image of my belly being very large. I see Buddha with a blissful smile and large belly.

Enlarged abdomen image (eyes are closed) returns but it is now a flattening, narrow tire as if fullness of belly is deflated. I am pulled down (emotions sink) by this realization. (In fact, abdomen. stomach did not seem to change)

Small

 Small, body is smaller. My own image abdomen begins to decrease in size (eyes are closed, but with touch, mine is not enlarged) 153 00:00:24

Calm, assertive

Feeling a general boost in my self-confidence (147 04:47:45)

Feeling calm, comfortable w/new people, higher self-esteem.

I was running down a city type street chasing a bus with my long hair and I was with another girl and were running swinging our hair and bouncing our boobs like in hair commercials or like that scene in the move 10 were Bo Derek is running down the breath in slow motion. Just felt free and bigger than life) 156 01:00

She felt no fear or intimidation. She felt justified in her actions and comments (151

Have a can do attitude and ready to face difficult problems.

Was proactive in solving some nagging issues at work. 

Spoke my mind at the meetings brought up issues. Felt more assertive.

Very assertive. Direct and to the point. Throwing things back on people’s laps at work. 

Loss of confidence

Loss of confidence: babysat and was supposed to take case while babysitting, but mother was not there and did not know what the problem was, had not talked about it before she had left, just felt like gave up real easily, did not try very hard, feeling very discouraged, like oh my god I don’t know how to take a case, can analyze, but can’t talk to these people, can’t do it right (prover stated she is thing this is why I have had no new cases since starting proving – feeling very useless now-stated that she normally does not have a problem try something new unless involves technology) 158 30:0)

Stayed after study group so instructor could show me a computer catalogue and help me decide what I want and need, feel very overwhelmed and confused with it. I just want him to say get this one, this is what you need; I don’t feel as if I can make an intelligent decision on my own and I am stressing over ever being able to learn how to use it. (Prover stated that she has a wall and gets overwhelmed easily with any technology – but does feel that it is unusual that she has the feeling she wants to have someone do it for her – normally would try to step up to the plate and try to figure out, even if didn’t like it. Was leaving the mall with my new computer and really had this nervous, adrenaline type feeling – almost hysterical – I almost felt as if I was hyperventilating, just the thought of oh my god my mother in law just spend so much money on me and I don’t know what I am doing with this thing, very overwhelming, scared, oh my god what have I done feeling, did not feel safe driving home, was like this for about an hour – panicky feeling (prover stated she had never really had this kind of panic feeling before, but that she now feels indebted to mother in law who she doesn’t want to be indebted to and now needs to do something with this, I have to go back to work and have a business now, no backing out) 158 18:15)

Confusion, kind of lost

Feeling kind of lost, driving in circles, don’t really mind. 

Feeling I am late and need to find out what day and time it is 

When driving I am a little scary. Making wrong turns and not real aware where I am etc. This state of confusion and disconnection is very strong today. With my cycle it feels full blown again 

Supervisor notes: Upon trying to clarify some symptoms on earlier days, the prover got confused, frustrated and irritable.

Prover also stated that when she saw me at study group that she had no way to tell me about how she was feeling, couldn’t express it or think of how to describe to me so didn’t say anything, just didn’t really know how. - I also noted she was quieter / no speaking as much as usual 

Stopped at grocery store to pick up milk and water, walked into store and had to stop, did not know which way to go. I had no idea why I was there; my mind went utterly blank; it took a minute or two, had to stop and really think about why I was there and then remembered I had experienced this similar feeling earlier during the day – 1 x walked into the room to get something and had no idea for what or why I was in the room/ 2x got purse out and rummaging through it but then realized I did not have any idea what I was looking for and asked myself why am I rummaging through my purse 

Driving to a friend’s house and was supposed to turn on Park and turned on Polk –thought it said Park, was driving for awhile then decided was lost. (prover stated that she had been to this house before) – had to call 2x to figure out how to get to friend’s house Was babysitting. Did not eat until 2 p, had a very bad headache, similar to migraine, on top of head; felt very confused – headache went away after eating but not the confused (158 30:14)

Woke up feeling that same old groggy, disorientation feeling.

Disorganized.

Disorganized. Not much energy to do this or much else

Driving to study group the song from the dream keeps popping into my head- I know I have heard it before but can’t think who sings it and keep switching radio stations to see if it would be playing (prover stated she was very hopeful she would hear this song being played…-also that when she doesn’t know something that she has to find out the answer and obsesses over until she does) 158 15:00)

Feeling lightness

Feeling of lightness.

In class felt more blaze (149 (02:65:00) have a lightness happening I feel lighter and high

Divided

Mind shuts down. Having to think of words. Writing is difficult. Return of division between mind and body then sensation neither mind nor body can function (both in remission.

Freedom

I feel very discontented then I think I’m so grounded…but I feel like I want to fly just to do what I want not always what I should and need to be free (149 05:50:00)

 Dream: Then I was driving a car, old falcon/mustang type thing with my daughter and her best friend in the back seat. I was driving really fast and peeling the tires around corners. Driving in the shoulders of the roads to get where I wanted to go, peeling around town. All three of us were having fun, laughing hair blowing in the wind kind of thing. Then when we got home in the driveway, I realized the two tires on the driver side were flat. Not just flat but rubber worn off from skidding. My daughter’s friend said that her mom would be so mad that I had flatten(ed) the tires. I then realized the car wasn’t mine and I needed to have the tires repaired. I woke up thinking about if I was going to call auto club or just go down to discount tire) was feeling perplexed that the tires were flat even the spare was flat and that the car was so old and disintegrating. (156 01:00)

Woke feeling very unhappy with business life. I felt I really wanted to downsize instantly.

Felt fiery, face was really hot the whole drive home (about 1 hr) and the whole way home going through scenarios in my mind, telling him off

Doing some kind of martial arts, dream formations in the land like paths to follow, seeing them from above, seem to be following them from above. I am floating very high above 

I am having a lot of déjà vu type events, where I have dreamt the event and as it is happening I remember the dream.

Towards the Others

With her family

She was intolerant of son’s negative attitude today and got mad and walked off (usually she is very patient) 

Was also feeling very disgusted with husband, felt like he was obnoxious the whole time they were at the presentation, he kept talking in these accents, and egging me on, at the things he was saying were just stupid and obnoxious. I was just mad at him. (158 16:21)

I felt very upset and angry at this bird. He just seemed cold and calculating to me, bothered me for some reason (the really strange thing about this is at study group we saw a case that the person was given Hawk (prover also stated that during watching this case that her mind went blank, had just studied birds and couldn’t remember the differentiating themes and normally would remember this.  Also stated she thought this might be some kind of clairvoyance/intuition that this happens a lot to her when seeing cases she will often know the remedy and will actually experience the symptoms the person might have) 

Have had depression all morning, sighing a lot, feeling like husband being really mean to me, thinking I want to divorce him, just want to get away (Prover stated she felt like her reaction was out of proportion to the even) ( 158 01:08:30)

Woken up by loud talking of husband and I have been feeling very annoyed and irritated with him during this whole proving – everything he says and the way in which he says it, which is usually loud, bugs me, things that might have seemed funny to me before just seem obnoxious to me now. It is hard not to cringe when he touches me in an affectionate manner; I feel as if I am being attacked or molested and I have told him this; he seems very lewd and lascivious to me. We had seen very little of each other this past week and that’s been fine with me.

Prover stated she had talked to husband at breakfast about doing this proving, he said that it has certainly affected my libido that it has gone to zero; he said you really find me disgusting, don’t you? I told him very matter of factly that it wasn’t that my libido had dropped, it was just the thought of having sex with him seemed really disgusting 158 Was also feeling very disgusted with husband, felt like he was obnoxious the whole time they were at the presentation, he kept talking in these accents, and egging me on, at the things he was saying were just stupid and obnoxious. I was just mad at him. 

Away from the others

I just don’t feel very comfortable around others right now. (156 day 18)

I just want to be left alone so that I can unwind and not be needed (156 day 19)

A lack of interest in social interactions (156 day 33)

If I feel that I am not being me or the feeling that someone is limiting me or questioning me, I get irritated and speak out. (156 day 8)

Need to reach out to make contact with others. Feelings of blah. Don’t really care one way or the other. (156 day 17)

I just want to be left alone so that I can unwind and not be needed (156 day 19)

Sensitive to the “others” voices

 Finding a heighten(ed) sensitivity to noise, people’s voices are starting to bug me (156 day 7)

 I was very aware of all the people from a slightly different perspective than usual. Too much perspective. I didn’t really want to feel all they weren’t saying. (156 day 7)

 I was very aware of the different tones of voices and the effect they were having on me (156 day 7)

 N/S Prover is “hypersensitive to everything” – heat/touch. (151 21:00)

I felt trapped in conversations. (156 day 7)

Aversion lessened

During evening I didn’t have as much aversion to Charlie as before (closeness, touch) (154 01:00)

Aversion to Charlie (emotional and physical) lessoned (154 01:00)

Feeling more outgoing and social- phoned two friends that I haven’t talked to in a long while and made plans to see them. 

Isolated, not liked

Went to a party, felt very isolated socially. 

I was at an old friends house for a backyard type party. We were all standing around with holding paper plates with food on them. I was talking with a friend in the corner of the yard. I felt very uncomfortable and didn’t want to be there. I didn’t feel like this lady wanted to talk to me either. We both walked into the kitchen and another fried was in the kitchen eating; we all know each other, the other two know each other better, they are neighbors. We exchange hellos and I am feeling more like I want to get the heck out of there.  My sense was that I was not liked or welcomed by these two. I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. 156 14:00

Dream: I was getting ready to go to a dear and best friend’s funeral. (She died of Cancer Dec 01). I was unsure what to wear. I was standing in my closet. Then I was entering the service and I was early. A lady who had upset my friend way back when was inside and she started yelling at me about who I thought I was and about where the family was going to seat and just carrying on about who knows what. I walked out and the room I had been in was so dark when I went outside it was so bright, that I was blinded by the sun and I was just standing there stunned and distraught over this lady’s actions and my grief and sadness and the loneliness I was feeling. I was back in my closet and wasn’t sure what to wear.  

Outspoken

I am very outspoken with my thoughts, like a burden of myself has been lifted and I am speaking more openly. (156 day 8)

When I am with people I tend to be more outgoing with my thoughts (156 day 5)

With that first glass of wine or margarita my intuition drops and I get more outgoing, funny and open with how I think and see things. I am feeling that on a regular basis day Still find myself talking straight from the hip. (  When I do speak out, I am very comfortable with what comes out. Sometimes it is very funny and sometimes it is right to the point 

It is as if I have lost the internal constriction that holds back my thoughts. (156 day 8)

Speaking my mind and causing havoc and I don’t really care. (156 day 16)

I noticed that I was more open with classmates (147 05:00:00)

After her son had been complaining most of the day, which was irritating her, she addressed him openly and spoke the truth from her heart. (151  00:16:30)

Supervisor notes: The prover was much more open tonight. She responded to my questions and did not seem as annoyed at my questions (151 01:00:00)

She spoke her mind to the child again and the parent (father) “got in her face”.

She felt justified in her actions and comments…She was not angry but felt the child’s behavior needed to be addressed and the parent was not doing this. 151 04:00)

Not hiding things under the carpet (147 07:00)

Aggressive, evil persons

Dream; in a room with others. I audibly release a sound, loud though I do not realize it. Someone turns and stares angrily at me. Says I can give you a remedy for that but it is said in anger, sarcastically, hostility is evident. I know I need to leave or I am told to leave. I go to another room to get bag of books. Cannot find my purse. Search wildly. Think it is another room which I will not re-enter. Go outside. Want to buy coffee. Must borrow change. Man sells me a very small coffee. Other person tells me an angry person needed to talk with me about something which has nothing to do with me. Return and am confronted again by angry aggressive person moving closer and yelling at me yet smiling. It is an evil smile as it is not true. He accuses me and I am unsure what I have done though could have done something. His face is distorted with rage. I try to defend myself but cannot 156 08:00

Dream:  …Then it was late at night and the front door of the house was standing open; I was in my living room and my 4 year old daughter said somebody went back to the garage, I am going to go get them and she went running out after them. I yelled for her to stop and come back in and I ran after her; I was very scared this man would get her. I could not find her; it was very dark; then finally felt her with my hand hiding under the play structure. I was really scared to go back any further. It was very dark and I knew someone was back there. I herded her back into the house 158 05:00

Dream: Old friend from college – a bit on the edge – did drugs – haven’t seen her in years. We went to the warehouse to collect her stuff – sporting goods. She got mad at me and left. I thought “She took the unimportant stuff and left the good stuff here – books and stuff”. My Mom was off to the side agreeing with me. In the dream the girl was messed up.  157

 Dream: lying on the bed with several people as one man is speaking about his new work, some new task force. Sounded very good but he kept talking and talking, wandering all over the place. His talk landed somewhere which hit me – a sense of violence. I said “violence” – I was referring to what he was saying. He looked at me and said something as if in a code. It was both an acknowledgment and a “not now” 151 08:00

 Dream about knives (night between 14th and 15th): an insane/crazy person tried to cross the street, someone was trying to hold him back, he was fighting back, he could get constrained, but he pulled out many knives (steak knives) and started to stab. I got stabbed 2 times but pulled the knives out, had to call the police, the insane person said that he can’t help himself, then he collapsed.  154 14:00

Dream: I dreamt that I was given a challenge to kick many small things off a round table by a martial art kick (round house). As a martial artist this is not one of my favorite kicks because of lack of hip joint flexibility. In my dream I knew that I was not good at this kick. But I managed to do it with at least 80% of the items in a creative way (147 02:00)

 Dream: I was some type of secret agent, teamed up with Rod (my partner). …We were in a hospital, or an old folk’s medical community. Moving from room to room and floor to floor, we were shot at and shooting at people with guns. We were trying to find something or someone. Corpses on gurnies* would suddenly come alive and try to kill us. We were not finding what we were looking for, but we were shooting many people. It sounds like an awful, violent dream, but the feeling of it was more like impatience, “going round and round” and irritation rather than suspense or terror. Neither Rod nor I were injured in the dream. *macas

Longing for protection and affection

Involved instructor’s family, the mom had died from a heart attack (prover stated that she didn’t see this, just knew that had happened). I was babysitting instructor’s 2 kids while he went out on a date; he brought his date home to meet the kids and she was a very beautiful, dark haired woman, dripping in jewels and dressed very provocatively. She was very phony nice to the kids (prover stated that but in the dream I was thinking what a coldhearted, manipulative bitch and was thinking she would never be a good step-mom to the kids). After they left his daughter who was about 10 was very upset and crying saying I hate her and don’t want her to be my step mom but daddy says he needs someone to kiss. I felt very protective of her and picked her up and rocked her while she cried on my shoulder and I was singing her this song – everything is going to be all right, rock-a-bye, rock-a-bye. I was really feeling for her sadness and pain at losing her mom and now her dad and I wanted to make it all better but I knew I couldn’t make the hurt go away-then Instructor came home from date and the daughter was jumping all over and kissing him then he put her to bed; I was downstairs cooking him some eggs; he came downstairs and I told him how upset his daughter had been; he sat down and was shaking his head and said I didn’t think it would be this hard without my wife. Then he talked about how hard it was dating and how this lady was not very nice, was not what he thought. He looked very dejected and sad and again I felt very protective and put my arms around him and was rocking him and singing the same song to him. Then he got up and started singing the song with really exaggerated movements and expressions kind of like a rock star; it was a hopeful feeling like everything would be all right (prover stated that the overall feeling and theme of the dream was longing for mom, nurturing, protectiveness, kissing, sadness and empathy, singing and hopefulness

Dressing

Dream: Visiting a friend, to stay a while. Was set up in a back room. Took a shower to prepare for a presentation. Had towel around me wandering the house. Past one room with 2 or 3 men busy setting up a slide show. I stepped beyond “my” room but it was occupied by people speaking quietly. I could not enter with a towel only as it would adversely affect them, not me. Went to front of the house to ask friend to go into my room and get clothes – brown. I ended up back in the room, looking through drawers. Found a large tan blanket – rather fancy and clearly dear to me, precious. I look at it and feel peaceful then wonder why it is in a drawer. I could use the drawer for clothes. 153 08:00

 Dream: Serving two women of royalty or of some status. I was their dresser and stylist, seen that all was well in their appearance and how they presented themselves 149 32

Deaths, deceased and funerals.

Dream: Had a dark dream about seeing two people (an adult and a child) wearing white with a halo around their whole figure. Was not able to recognize the faces. I asked someone about them and that person explained that the adult one is your mother who has passed away (my mom is alive).

Once I got close to them I saw the child and it was my younger daughter. She started flying away (had white wings) and at that point I felt that she had died. My reacting was to run alongside her to stop her from flying away. I woke very scared. (supervisor up: the dream was very vivid and frightening to Paul). 147 18

Dream: I was getting ready to go to a dear and best friend’s funeral. (She died of Cancer Dec 01). I was unsure what to wear. I was standing in my closet. Then I was entering the service and I was early. A lady who had upset my friend way back when was inside and she started yelling at me about who I thought I was and about where the family was going to seat and just carrying on about who knows what. I walked out and the room I had been in was so dark when I went outside it was so bright, that I was blinded by the sun and I was just standing there stunned and distraught over this lady’s actions and my grief and sadness and the loneliness I was feeling. I was back in my closet and wasn’t sure what to wear.  156 14

Dream: Feeding family members (most were deceased aunts and uncles). They were very alive and in a festive mood. The setting was a beautiful park. I woke up thinking of the last time I would have been with these folks. The feeling was somewhat nostalgic. 

The Keeper

A man stepped up into her face and said “I am the keeper of the remedy”. This man had a square jaw, was blocky and large. He had white blond hair and was very strong. Although he appeared as a man she felt he was a man being who was very spiritual and had an ethereal energy. Later in the dream he appeared again and said something. 15

With the Environment

Colors

Colors, red, aversion to

Eyes very sensitive to the color red (156 day 4)

My eyes are drawn to the color (red)  (156 day 4)

Still don’t like red (156 day 32)

I had something to do with the production and design of some beautiful rugs, how they were created had very little importance in the dream. The importance was how spectacular they were. It was the colors from earthy muted, to vibrating primaries. The patterns were contemporary like a very fluid abstract painting. The rugs were on display hanging (hanging from the sky); they were hanging in the forest. I awoke feeling very peaceful a space, got up and ready to go feeling very energized 149 10

Disorientate, distracted

Am waking up startled and disoriented to the time or what day it is; (156 04:00)

Lingering feelings of not quite knowing what day it is (156 05:00:00)

Am waking up startled and disoriented to the time or what day it is; (156 day 4)

woke with the disoriented feeling again. (156 day 5)

Again, woke up disoriented. (156 day 6)

Woke up startled, sleepy with heavy eyes, the same disoriented feeling (156 day 8)

Feeling kind of lost, driving in circles, don’t really mind. 

When driving I am a little scary. Making wrong turns and not real aware where I am etc. Continue having memory problems, mind just goes blank – was driving needed to get off on 15N to Wallmart and just drove right past it, turned around, then on the way back drove past exit again, had to turn around again (prover stated that she has to talk herself into being alert as if she dazes off, has to keep in brain looking for certain exit, repeat name over and over, if just sees doesn’t register that she has to get off – that this has been happening a lot – since taking the remedy and very noticeable the past few days, felt like got better now back like 2nd week of proving, got better around 4th week, now into 5th week back again) 

Driving to a friend’s house and was supposed to turn on Park and turned on Polk –thought it said Park, was driving for awhile then decided was lost. (prover stated that she had been to this house before) – had to call 2x to figure out how to get to friend’s house Dream: Dreamed that I was in the works of moving to Oklahoma in my dream last night. An old neighbor of mine and I were sorting through all the clothing and we had placed all the baby clothes in the bathtub. There was stuff everywhere. Then I was outside in a car and one of the kids that was going to be moving with us was dancing or entertaining us in the street. I was sitting in the car with other people and we were watching and waiting to leave for Oklahoma. The child was an adult and we were all the same age. My feelings were one of disorientation and a sense of why is this happening and how could this be. How did I get here and why am I going. Feels like desperate times 156 06:00

Prover was telling me about the insurance payment she mailed without the check during the proving (on Day 9) – received notice and did not open right away when received – the insurance company cancelled policy, was driving around for week without insurance, now has to pay 6 months in advance to be re-instated – also that she has been doing that a lot with her mail normally opens right away but has just been letting it sit there on the table (158 30:00)

Like someone is stirring my mind up with a big wooden spoon clockwise and feels like my head is being pulled up from the occipital, straight up at the same time as being stirred around. I just kept thinking I am stirred up and felt like someone is stirring my head – was very disoriented and kind of out of it almost as if I was in a dream state and became a little worried that because I was driving if I had to react quickly I wouldn’t be able to.

Time

 Felt everything in slow motion.

 After taking the dose, I felt the time has slowed down.

Animals, dwarfs, visions

It is that I am seeing things in the bushes or feeling something that I need to take a second look, because I am not believing what I am seeing. (156 day 29)

I see a dwarf type thing moving in the bushes. (156 day 29)

While I am driving, I see funny things from the corner of my vision (156 day 29

I had a strange occurrence. I dismissed it I guess because I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t explain it but I saw something from the corner of my right eye. It makes me turn quickly. But nothing is there. This has happened a couple of times this week. It startles me. A slight movement makes me turn quickly to see that is there…and nothing is there (149 10:00:00)

Dream: Large gathering, enough to fit the edges of large parlor room or small hall. Music starts and small animals dance (running mostly in circles) but called dancing. Animals, dogs, small pigs and ducks. Music stops people stand up and do a sort of circle dance. After some time this dissipates. I am asked to come later to a house. I arrive to find women in groups having sexual play. I’m surprised to see that one of the women my deceased father’s wife. The woman seemed supposed that I was there and proceeds to change behavior and got dressed. I can’t remember anymore but knew that it went on. I felt mostly wonderment when I woke up (149 02:00)

Saw small creature like mouse in crack of side walk it ran down a tiny path and up a tree and perched on a branch. By the time it had reached its spot it was the size of two cats. It was colorful white with orange and black. We looked at each other. Seemed like a connection.  (149 3:00)

There was a little tiny bird flying dark in color, thought it was a finch; he suddenly turned and flew right at me with this big thing in his mouth, almost as big as himself and it looked something like an owl pellet but then I thought ooh maybe it’s a dead mouse; it was very disgusting to me. I was afraid of it. I thought it was going to fly right at me and touch me with it.  158  06:00

Stepped out on porch and saw large bird - believes to be a Hawk – this felt odd as we live only a block from the bay and never seen a hawk in the area – I said to my kids look at that hawk what is it doing? And at that it turned and looked directly at me and gave me this look as if it were challenging me – like what are you going to do about it? Then it sat there stalking sparrows in the bush then suddenly flew into the bush, moving quickly back and forward in branches finally emerging with baby sparrow in its talons and all the little sparrows were crying and my kids were crying and I felt very upset and angry at this bird. He just seemed cold and calculating to me, bothered me for some reason (the really strange thing about this is at study group we saw a case that the person was given Hawk (prover also stated that during watching this case that her mind went blank, had just studied birds and couldn’t remember the differentiating themes and normally would remember this.  Also stated she thought this might be some kind of clairvoyance/intuition that this happens a lot to her when seeing cases she will often know the remedy and will actually experience the symptoms the person might have) 158 02:15:30)

Pieces of broken glass

Dream: Husband and I sitting at dinner table and 4 year old son knocked over glass at dinner table and broke it; there was a big piece of glass stuck in his arm and when I pulled it out blood was gushing out and I yelled quick get him some arnica, gave him some arnica and stopped bleeding almost immediately but then it was weird everything changed instead of little pieces from a drinking glass being there the pieces of glass turned into a huge window pane that broke around him and they were 6 feet long, thin, triangular pieces of  glass and all around him and trying to pick these pieces up without them falling on him (prover stated feeling of dream that it was really long  and laborious having to pick this glass up, having to be very careful – it was just something to do with picking the glass up, not as much about son gushing blood, having to do it but not really wanting to) 158 19:00

Houses, buildings

Dream: It seemed like I went from one dream to another woke up for a second back to sleep and then to another dream. What I remember about the dreams was that there was lots of building going on building with brick and stones. And about the mortar being made to hold the stones in place. It was about the visual about the brick walls and the stone steps. 149

Dream: In a small town. For some reason my son and I are moving there, in with my sister or on vacation. Everything is green-hills, trees. It is an ugly town. House is large and immaculate. It is not mine, and is situated on a large corner (childhood house, current apt also on a corner). My son loved being there. I would have to give up too much to stay longer than a brief time…153 08:00

I was in an apartment house similar to that of my parents. Some apartments were rented out, but somehow other people were living there, to; people my dad didn’t know about. They changed the inside of the apartments. Feeling of the dream. Something unknown happened in close proximity, something with invading of boundaries. 154 01:00

Dream of leasing a commercial property. I was not happy about the situation. I felt unhappy when I woke up 149 08:00

On food and eating

On the farm the water in a stream had quit running. She went to investigate this and found horizontal carrots. These carrots were about 10 inches across and were not crunchy but had the consistency of cooked carrots. They were lying horizontal like a log (heavy) growing this way and blocking the water. She and her son got machete, cut them and rolled them away 151 06

People were coming with lots of food. I remember only Jose and his family. They brought a large fish and freshly made pasta. I was so happy they came.

I was at an old friends house for a backyard type party. We were all standing around with holding paper plates with food on them. 156 14:00

All these people came to our house to eat dinner, but our house was a huge mess, there were dirty dishes sitting on every surface, remember mother-in law bringing a rectangular casserole dish in and setting on edge of table where it was almost falling off due to all the dirty dishes sitting there and I just remember being worried that this dish was going to fall off the table and kept focusing my attention on this stupid dish about ready to fall off 158 05:

Was at laundry mat folding clothes overwhelming urge to eat again (prover stated did not actually eat, controlled self; the N/S = the overwhelming urge, kept thinking about it, in the past would just go get something, but felt as if it was constantly on her mind (159 22:22)

Went for walk and still wanting to eat something, still thinking about (158 22:23)

It is midnight and I feel ravenous, have to fight the urge to drive to Jack in the Box really craving a taco and big coke but I force myself to go to bed instead (158 22:24)

Aversion to taking the time to cook is back again (151 21:00)

Work

Finding myself to be competitive at work (147 15:00)

Focused, assertive, proactive and productive

I am behind in everything at work but I was not bothered by it (147 00:02:30)

Need to deal with some business issues and I will be okay (149 06:50:00)

Listing

Woke at 5:30 am and could not go back to sleep. She thought about all the things she had to do both business related and personal. A mental listing of things. (151  01:06:30)

Today woke 5:30, woke fast again, went to the bathroom, then returned to bed and went back to sleep until 7:50 am. Did find her mind making lists of things to do on waking. (151 06:00)

 She was awakened by raccoons this morning at 3 am. Once awake, she did the mental list review of things that she needed to do that day. This lasted one hour then she went back to sleep. She woke at 5:15 am, woke fast and did the mental to do list again. (151 09:00)

Woke quickly about 6:55 am, unable to go back to sleep but did a deep meditation for about 30 minutes. (She normally does mediations twice a day, but has not been able to do so since taking the remedy because her mind goes into making lists) (151 08:00)

Really had this feeling of dread come on me that when I started my business, oh I am going to be stuck having to get up and go to work everyday, oh I am not going to be able to spend much time with my kids, oh I am going to be stuck in this daily grind. 158 20:00

I wonder if people are picking up on my feeling of not enjoying my job. I am really having thoughts about hating my job (156 day 19)

Woke feeling very unhappy with business life. I felt I really wanted to downsize instantly. (149 05:50:00)

 Mentally feel a bit anxious being bothered by business pressure. Need to deal with some business issues and I will be okay (149 06:50:00)

 Decided to go and don’t care about homework; on way out stepped on paddle ball and decided to play (unusual! normally I would get upset of the big mess on the floor); felt childish, played for 10 minutes (154 00:02:00)

Female Sexuality

Having increased libido (been thinking about it all day) (increased libido and increased cervical mucus go hand in hand (158 08:13)

 Dreamt of a wild and uninhibited and very pleasant sex with someone I had never with before but very attracted to. Knew that I was married but didn’t feel shame or guilt 147 06:00

Dream in bed with student have had sex. We were cozy in the covers and feeling each other food. Then felt light when I awoke  149 00:06:00

Dream: Beads and beaded necklaces belts. Trying to find someone to mend the necklace or restring. In the same dream there was a conversation with a friend that there was an extra bed. I had thoughts of having a sexual interlude, while looking for bed stringer I was carrying a dog with a bag carrying all the beautiful beads.

Dream: And the weird part of the dream is that his particular class is shocked very easily, they just can’t deal with much so it was so bizarre when I walked into this classroom they were sitting there like normal and the first thing I saw was half of a naked body draped over a couch, could just see the lower half from the navel down and the other half folded back over the couch, really folded over flat like a book. But the weird thing about it was that I could not tell if it was male or female, not genitals and there was blood dripping out of the anus, could just see this big bloody anus, pool of blood and Colette was just sitting there just like normal. I am thinking this was strange and disturbing. Then looked over into the corner 2 naked people very old in their 80’s a couple and the woman had no hair like from chemotherapy and they were having sex in the corner. Then looked over to the other corner and another couple having sex totally naked and was a young couple, one was young and pretty ugly but the guy who she was having sex with (could not see the genitals of the man) the man only had half of his body, from navel/waist down. So I was thinking they were just made for each other; he didn’t have head/eyes and could not see how ugly she was. 158 26:00

Intellect

I was very much engaged and focused on what was being discussed. The inflow and outflow information processing was effortless and smooth. (147 00:02:30)

Extremely focused on the project at hand. I usually get distracted easily when I have too many things on plate. Today I worked on a project for 3 hours w/o being distracted or thinking about anything else. My bladder was bursting but I didn’t want to stop working on the project (147 04:49:00)

Focused, concentration good, better than ever (147 09:00

Focused, assertive, efficient and have a can-do attitude (147 13:00:00)

Very clear headed, focus in the moment (154 01:00)

(curative symptoms?)

Absent minded. I wanted to shave but had to think what tools I need for shaving (147 00:0:05)

 Supervisor notes: Then tonight she seems to be a little disconnected, spacey. I had to keep prompting her to tell me what has been going on and that she is not keeping as good of records as she did in previous days (158 04:20:00)

Had to go get router today, has not been able to work on computer, just got set up late this afternoon, looked at instructions briefly, does not want to deal with it, overwhelming, wants someone to do it for her (158 30:00)

Was asked a direct question and took several seconds to grasp that he was directing question at me and then took me more seconds to understand what the question was, like it confused me (prover stated it felt like it was taking my brain longer to process things, like it is not automatic, almost like I have to think to think) (158 02:19:20)

 Attended a meeting and understanding and digesting all the conversation was effortless (147 00:02:30)

Aversion to mental work and math (151 08:00)

Strong aversion to math and she needs to do a huge landscape bid (151 21:00)

 Mind shuts down. Having to think of words. Writing is difficult. Return of division between mind and body then sensation neither mind nor body can function (both in remission) 153 00:00:38

Having a really hard time focusing at work. (156 day 8)

It is really hard to teach my classes. I don’t even want to be there and think that hard. It takes a lot of focus to teach and I am having a really hard time with it. (156 day 13)

Unable to concentrate (256 day 33)

Still minimal saturation point. Can only study for 15 minutes at a time.

Spacey, sleepy and just plan grumpy > by evening (156 day 26)

Supervisor notes: Then tonight she seems to be a little disconnected, spacey. I had to keep prompting her to tell me what has been going on and that she is not keeping as good of records as she did in previous days (158 04:20:00)

After first dose today (9 doses by now) couldn’t sit down and concentrate (154 02:00)

Tired, run down and distracted (156 day 17)

 Still noting that having difficulty in writing a sentence/word and would look at paper and it would be different than what she thought she wrote, or leave words out, or writing in the wrong place – could not copy address from one sheet of paper to the next. *158 03:17:00)

 Supervisor notes: Prover having difficult time writing down information, stated she knows she will be talking to supervisor, knows times – maybe this is part of this remedy, the lack of remembering (158 11:00)

 Didn’t write any notes down, somehow couldn’t (154 15:00)

 trying to write up case for homework, can’t find notes, can’t think clearly, have difficulty to rewrite case – normally doesn’t happen, know what to write (154 00:01:45)

 Mind shuts down. Having to think of words. Writing is difficult. Return of division between mind and body then sensation neither mind nor body can function (both in remission) 153 00:00:37

Memory

Continue having memory problems, mind just goes blank – was driving needed to get off on 15N to Wallmart and just drove right past it, turned around, then on the way back drove past exit again, had to turn around again (prover stated that she has to talk herself into being alert as if she dazes off, has to keep in brain looking for certain exit, repeat name over and over, if just sees doesn’t register that she has to get off – that this has been happening a lot – since taking the remedy and very noticeable the past few days, felt like got better now back like 2nd week of proving, got better around 4th week, now into 5th week back again) 158 28:18)

Forgetful (156 day 6)

I am very forgetful (156 day 13)

Received a letter today from insurance company stating I had sent them the invoice but had forgotten to send check which was mailed lat Wednesday  6/9 when I made bills. (Prover stated that this was the 1st time ever this had  happened/now doesn’t know if she actually wrote the check or if she wrote the check and mailed it to someone else – feeling a little panicky, kind of stupid (158 09:17)

Supervisor notes: Prover having difficult time writing down information, stated she knows she will be talking to supervisor, knows times – maybe this is part of this remedy, the lack of remembering (158 11:00)

Seems like mind has been going blank again the past couple of days. A thought will be in my mind one minute and the next minute I cannot recall what that thought was. It just goes totally blank. All day I have the feeling I am forgetting an important appointment or forgetting to tell my supervisor some really important thing, but I can’t remember what that might be (258 23:24)

Forgot about pain in mouth-hadn’t eaten lunch, was at hospital with daughter, got something from vending machine, chose corn nuts, chili piquant (prover stated that these were hard, spicy and salty – the worst thing could have chose for mouth pain then had to buy a chocolate Heresy’s bar to ease pain in mouth) 258 28:14)

Forgetting; had cable person out to set up computer but did not have a router was frustrated, thought she had everything she needed and he could not set up computer, talked to person who helped her buy computer and was reminded that she was told about this and that the person had written that she needed a router on the paper and when she looked at paperwork it was there.  158 29:13)

 Also stated that when she sees someone, hours later will remember the question she wanted to ask, or return phone calls keeps forgetting. 158 28:00

 Supervisor note: She also couldn’t remember things and felt stupid. “I just can’t remember” she says (148 04:00)

 “just blank”. I blanked out. No recollection of what I have said. (248 04:00)

 Having a lot of problems remembering anything. This is frustrating because I need to remember things for my job and I’m having trouble remembering anything. (148 09:00)

 I am talking with my husband and I am forgetting what I’ve just said to him a few minutes ago.

 I don’t feel like I have much of a memory the last few weeks. (148 10:00)

 Seems like mind has been going blank again the past couple of days. A thought will be in my mind one minute and the next minute I cannot recall what that thought was. It just goes totally blank. All day I have the feeling I am forgetting an important appointment or forgetting to tell my supervisor some really important thing, but I can’t remember what that might be (158 23:24)

Supervisor note: She also couldn’t remember things and felt stupid. “I just can’t remember” she says (148 04:00)

 Memory: “just blank”. I blanked out. No recollection of what I have said. (148 04:00)

 Having a lot of problems remembering anything. This is frustrating because I need to remember things for my job and I’m having trouble remembering anything. (148 09:00)

 I’m talking with my husband and I am forgetting what I’ve just said to him a few minutes ago. He gets upset and asks what’s going on with me. Wants to know if I’m losing my mind (148 10:00)

 I don’t feel like I have much of a memory the last few weeks. (148 10:00)

 I walked into store and had to stop, did not know which way to go. I had no idea why I was there; my mind went utterly blank; it took a minute or two, had to stop and really think about why I was there and then remembered I had experienced this similar feeling earlier during the day – 1 x walked into the room to get something and had no idea for what or why I was in the room/ 2x got purse out and rummaging through it but then realized I did not have any idea what I was looking for and asked myself why am I rummaging through my purse (158 2:23:00)

Slowness

Sensation of slowness of reactions – eyes and head seem to move slowly 253 00:00:08

Sensation of slowness in response to sound 153 00:00:08

Fellow student suggested I was very dreamy. Eyelids half closed, appeared mellow and softer than usual (149 03:90:00)

 Prover also stated that when she saw me at study group that she had no way to tell me about how she was feeling, couldn’t express it or think of how to describe to me so didn’t say anything, just didn’t really know how. - I also noted she was quieter / not speaking as much as usual (158 02:18:00)

 Was asked a direct question and took several seconds to grasp that he was directing question at me and then took me more seconds to understand what the question was, like it confused me (prover stated it felt like it was taking my brain longer to process things, like it is not automatic, almost like I have to think to think) (158 02:19:20)

Thoughts dull (156 day 7)

She sounds dull, heavy and boring (148 04:00)

No physical sensations other than feeling like a rock or a log, wanting to sit very still and not move or talk to anyone (148 09:00)

 Dull and tired (156 day 23)

She was afraid that time would pass and she would not be able to articulate it all. (151 04:00)

Feeling kind of lost, driving in circles, don’t really mind. (156  06:00)