Letra Homeopatica

Understanding Lac humanum

Dr. Claudio C. Araujo M.D., F.F.Hom. (Lon.) et al.

After reading and studying the extensive list of symptoms coming from the two provings, one can be sure that there are some major points in the remedy. And they are:

1. First, this combination of impatience, irritability, and a very strong difficulty to deal with the others. It will pervade the whole proving, showing itself in many different forms. The Lac humanum patient is someone with a strong impediment towards the others. He would be presented to us as a single, intellectual human being, with a strong criticism to society. We can see through out his irritability and his criticism that is present already at the first moments of the proving.

Feel very impatient, others are so disorganized. Very critical of colleagues and teachers. My mood change, feel snappy, ratty, restless, short tempered for no apparent reason, better for being on my own and being busy. Irritable if interrupted, for example irritable with my supervisor's wrong timing in ringing me. I wanted to watch TV and I did not want to be interrupted.

The prover says that he is intolerant to his family or to the other people participating in the proving. But let’s not forget that those fellow friends are not Lac hum. patients, they have family and friends. Our truly patient probably will not family or friends.

Felt irritated with family, they are all at home doing nothing, not what I want them to do.

Very snappy when talked to. Feel that physical violence (i.e. wringing someone's neck) is appealing. Felt myself gripping my teeth physically to prevent myself taking a lump out of something (or someone).

During the scraping had thoughts of becoming part of the group and how little bits of the powder didn’t want to join; I felt like I had to scrape every little bit

The female prover became very annoyed due to the presence of her husband. That’s another hint, telling us that the Lac hum., male or female, are singles or even so very distant from their spouses. He or she, both genders would be very suspicious of them. Like in this dream:

Husband involved with hooker, he cried when discovered also two colleagues doing a project together on cardboard lifesize woman (obviously reaction to college talk by lesbian). Dreamt also that I was cleaning two over-driven, very sweaty cart horses with a small dishcloth.

1st stage; felt happy centered; thinking about the male/female issue and my mind went to a conversation with a friend’s daughter’s lesbian relationship. Is this a process of male/female equilibrium? There is safety in same sex relationships.

(We can notice here that there are some references to a lesbian relationship. Should we consider as a possibility?

2. Following that strong difficulty to be part of society, there is also a longing for approval. Or a sensation that there is none, that he is not part of the group even if he wanted it. He is not to be accepted, or loved, or cared. This is a very ambiguous situation; does he wants to be far away from the others or does he feel rejected? Is he distant or was he sent away?

Feeling left out of the conversation between the people sitting next to me

Felt very alone; wanting to pull away from the group

How can they be laughing when I feel so miserable?

Feel judged

1st stage; feelings of exclusion from the female group

Frustrated about not being included because of gender

In restaurant where I used to work. Felt everybody was against me and this feeling in dream was stronger than my usual feeling. I sometimes feel teased if people have different values to me.

Feeling of being on the edge of the class, not integrated, being left out, very strong feeling. Sense of isolation very strong but not worrying.

No unloved feelings or feeling of abandonment, feel more part of the group. (curative symptom) I am also more assertive in a comfortable way.

As we could see, his sensation of not being loved is related to the group, not to someone specifically. This is a very particular feeling, his relationship with the group is very important and painful to him.

He is “not integrated”.

3. From this combination of feelings: his dis-apt ability, from the feeling of rejection coming from the group, two sets of symptom reactions will emerge. The first, the winner, the champion, it’s represented in Lac hum. through his extreme energy to work. He is ferociously happy, determined, and full of energy. Nothing is escaping from his criticism, not even himself. He is a hard worker, a late sleeper, he will go on through the night only to be ready to continue his work first thing in the morning. Longing for perfection, he is exigent, fastidious and a severe critic of himself. He has to do the best. He is clean and tidy, everything must be presented in its best form.

Is this attitude a way to be accepted? If this is so, he is not someone dictatorial or full of creative ideas. If his goal is to be accepted, he must be part of a group, must be inserted in someone else project. A corporation, a school, an University perhaps? It has to be with someone else group. Not to his own.

Have more energy; motivation; playing with it; trying to build it up the sides reminds me of making fairy floss

Exchange: in the sense that not only am I receiving strength from the substance, but also that I am releasing my weaknesses into it.

There is a strength coming from the substance, not to give up.

More energy than I have had before. Doing more things than usual.

Felt quite active and energetic. Done quite a lot of yoga.

Feel bright eyed and alert, with alertness stronger in evening, more sharp, quite high, full of energy and talking more than usual.

Felt much more alert and not so dragged down (Curative symptom) which came as a surprise to me.

From the other part, another group will establish another way to survive: Lac hum. is about to become indifferent. That unfeeling way of living is now directed against the ones that are hurting him most, his fellow beings.

Are those feelings result of not being accepted?

And: can we have his strength combined with his indifference?

He wants to be alone, to live alone, he doesn’t want his privacy invaded.

Indifferent to husband; wanted to be left alone; realize that I have to cut back on my work load; suffering burnout and need to look after my self better.

For the first time I felt my privacy was invaded, the flat too crowded, felt like moving out and going away for the week end. I usually prefer company.

Wanted to be alone when irritable, or at least to choose the company which does not aggravate me.

Patient at clinic had a sad story but did not touch me at all. Feel very unsympathetic. The feeling that nothing is touching me deeply, while visiting slums in Brazil worse than in India, did not feel any sympathy, just thinking what a mess it all looks. Not there feeling, yet I want to be, a bit like behind glass. Feeling of detachment, unsympathetic, don't like it, can't see what is going on in the cases because of it. But it is actually very restful not to feel concerned about people and things.

Not very observant, did not even notice patient was crying, a bit detached (laughing when saying this).

3rd stage; feeling indifferent; emotionally detached

Feel nothing emotionally

4. One of the main characteristics in Lac hum. is that he is someone that likes to live alone. Is he better when he leaves the group, the ones with whom he has to fight for acceptance, every day? It will only reinforce our understanding that this remedy is a loner.

Feeling left out of the conversation between the people sitting next to me

Felt very alone; wanting to pull away from the group

It felt “comfortable” as if I’d arrived home.

Where does it all start? On which symptoms can we relay our search for the very first impressions in this remedy? There are no children symptoms as there were no use of the remedy, but there’s a childhood “memory” in the proving and we believe that it could be the first unsettle memory for this remedy:

It seems to go forever and I am reminded of a family story of when my maternal grandmother came to visit me in the hospital as a newborn she is reputed to have said:

“That’s not it, is it?”

That quote, graved in stone at this prover’s memories, can be the starting point: She was taken as an “it”, something (and not someone) ugly, disgusting and dejected. A kind of punk. Not to be accepted by her family, never to be loved by herself, she now has to fight for her acceptance, she has to work hard to prove her value, she has to endure this long way up to survival. She is ugly, never deserves any attention, she is misjudging by the others.

So, all the many symptoms of motherly love are referring to her longing for it. And breastfeeding is the baby’s first experience, the first acceptance from the mother to her recent arrived baby. Holding her baby in her arms, to nurture her and to bring the newborn child to the bosom of the family.

Many symptoms are describing love that should be present at birth. Some symptoms are exalting this love, some others the relationship between mother and child. But we are looking here for suffering, illusion, loss and longing.

These are the pillars upon them Lac hum. had build his life, his living with himself and his family, his very first experience with a group.

For the first time I looked up outside – wanting to see some “lightness”. There was a little girl with an adult outside the fence; holding hands; swinging; playing. They stood there a minute and then the hands broke apart

I looked up and noticed one lady looking at me and we both smiled; her face looked lovely; serene and soft

5. Lac humanum’s environment:

One can imagine how it will be the world of a child that feels not loved, accepted, someone that feels as if she was a “thing” amongst his family.

First, she has to nurture herself. The prover gained a few pounds in the first weeks of proving. Lac hum. will probably nurture herself and later, consequently, the others. Motherly love changed into nutrition. Not too much love, but instead, lots of food. For herself and for the others, that had not been fed properly.

All the basic things that are mainly provided through our parent’s care will be felt, by Lac hum., as his own responsibility. He must eat properly, later in his life feed himself again through his work. He must have power to do it and he will look for it. Until, someday, he fell exhausted and ill.

Ate biscuits and sweets, definitely acquired a sweet tooth.

Desire bacon, especially in sandwich which is very unusual.

I gained three pounds during the proving, which lasted 15 days.

Sense that the whole world needs nurturing, which will require consciousness.

My instinct is to want to nurture but I realize this is probably a form of control and I need to relax and let things be

That there is abundance.

One group of symptoms telling us that reality shows itself to Lac hum. through a series of sharp and bright colors. Everything is clear, net and clean, everything must be perfectly done. He sees reality that way and will try to perform his work and his duties that same way. Therefore, he will demand from the others the same amount of sharpness, cleanness, and perfection.

Another dream with lots of people but main thing was the colorfulness of dream. Lots of colors.

Mesmerized by the whiteness of the powder – pure; without Original Sin

Complete; complete coverage; all-over whiteness; …

Annoyed by the small imperfection in the bowl; it seemed to be getting bigger and turning black

Want it to be beautiful; out there!

Softened awareness; I notice the pink walls

Noticing colors in the room…red; orange; pink

Feel I am noticing the surface texture of things more than usual, like Victorian pre-Raphaelite lighting to everything.

I felt a sense of panic at the thought that I wouldn’t get it all scraped perfectly

Again quite fastidious with the scraping and wanted more time; would rather scrape than grind; I’m not so interested in the pestle today am more concerned for the bowl

Firm yet gentle and consistent

Felt like being very gentle; delicate with it

1st stage; am aware of the need to do a good job; I should mix so that the remnants of the C1 are collected

Many questions and spiritual feelings had been brought up during the proving, most of the symptoms been concerned with religious and metaphysical aspects, in some way too far from our daily life. But what can we apprehend from those symptoms? What is the relationship between these symptoms and the other ones? What is the hidden message of this remedy?

During visualisation at College felt that love is key to everything and looking at different points of my life, marriage was represented by children and picnics on rugs in garden while for my death saw myself on fire pyre, ready for rebirth.

I got the answer to my question about my Soul’s purpose….it’s To Love.

Accept universal love; nothing is comparable in the material world

Opportunity for Universal Love

The grinding ebbs and flows to a musical tone like the whooshing sound made when one covers one’s ear; communicating; reaching out to us; am very aware of others around me making the same sound so closed my eyes to capture the sense of Peace and found myself thinking of God

Feeding her baby is the mother’s first act of love. It embodies all Freudian theory of psychoanalysis and has many other symbolisms through the ages. The image of a mother holding her baby in her arms is present in the Christian religion as Maria, holding (and feeding) her Son. There is nothing more representative of earthly love than this lovely act. And the human milk is the essence of life that has been transferred from mother to son as a way of nurturing and caring. It becomes so comprehensible that Love is present in many symptoms and forms in this remedy.

But in our case, is the lack of it, the lack of the essence that lies in the bottom of the families. Lac humanum suffers from the impression that he was not cared, accepted, held and protected. He was born a “thing” and had to survive from this lack of love. As he cannot count on love in the material world, his only chance, besides physically surviving, is to move himself towards Spiritual Love. As the text says: Opportunity for Universal Love.

Could we evaluate Lac humanum’s quest as a symptom?

Or could it be a remembrance? Someone warning us of things we had forgotten…

Lac humanum Groups

From the Provings of Patricia Hatherly,

Jacqueline Houghton and Elisabeth Halahan

Dr. Claudio C. Araujo M.D. F.F.Hom. (Lon.)

Humor

Irritability

Feeling of being out of control when so irritable unnerves me. The idea that it was not in my hand was not very pleasing to me. A bit uncivilised not to be able to control myself. Too intense to ignore.

For three days was more short fused, less patient, attacking and snapping.

02, 30c

04, 30c

Felt a bit edgy one day before menses. Never before I have felt PMT. Usually more irritated by bad weather.

09, 12c

Felt irritated with family, they are all at home doing nothing, not what I want them to do.

09, 12c

11, 6c

Felt as if I had been short tempered. Irritated by everything, very low tolerance of everything, I felt as if everyone was a fool except me. Supervisor recognised this very strongly. amel. walking. Was unusually cross at my mother's asthmatic problem when I would usually cope in more practical ways with this. Sadness at being irritable. I don't want to be like this.

11, 6c

Was irritated by intrusion of sister classmate at very short notice but in fact was very happy and chatty when she was there. (curative symptom)

12, 30c

agg. before menses but this time was not (curative symptom)

12, 30c

My temper has been short. Usually I am easy. The smoking of new lodger made me very irritable. The smell of it made me really cross but I could not express my anger.

13, 12c

Was unnecessarily unkind to a colleague. Sharper tongue than usual.

04, 30c

Desire to curse and swear recently which is most unusual.

04, 30c

…haphazard feelings; felt dominated by the situation. I want to rebel; getting sloppy; not keeping the substance in the bowl.

Impatient; less relaxed; edgy

Irritable. Everything irritates me.

Impatient with the process.

Getting very fed-up with this process.

Becoming seriously annoyed about something…anything!

Start feeling very angry and indignant that my bosses are going to cut my hours to save themselves money but I will still need to do all my duties; I’ll just have to get them done in a shorter time frame; I feel very used and unappreciated

During the second phase I settled down; feeling much happier to just do the mechanical work of scraping and grinding.

Feeling violent with the spatula; wanted to snap it; to hear the sound of a sharp object.

1st stage; wanting to be hard; hurtful to pulverize the powder into oblivion.

Sense of relaxation/peace and not wanting to talk and being slightly irritated by others doing so.

I wish the camera would be moved away from me.

Feeling argumentative

Anger

Followed by angry thoughts; am angry that?? Am I an inadequate mother? Do I do enough?

All anger and apprehension is dissipated, and gender issues seem to dissolve, no longer important.

Anger and trust and a resistance to a new level of trust

Feeling angry; unsettled

2nd stage: the pain in the L wrist went but still feeling angry and unsettled.

3rd stage: the feeling of anger gradually reduced during the final stage.

1st stage: feeling unbalanced; angry; irritable and restless

2nd stage: feelings of frustration continued

Lack of motivation, boredom

After adding the second lot of lactose the boredom is getting to me. I would like to communicate with the tapping sounds; laughing to my self. I want to see of someone responds!

There are no emotions coming through the tiredness; however I have the sense that they are just there…under the cloud of tiredness

Feel tired, mind in neutral, body heavy lying on sofa after college, vegetating. Feel on auto-pilot at airport while waiting for flight.

04, 30c

Total lack of motivation. Felt it was hard to get on with things. It was such an effort turning in at college.

13, 12c

Lack of motivation. Could not be bothered to do much. Nothing seems important enough to make an effort for. Did not eat supper as couldn't be bothered to get it for myself.

11, 6c

Languid, don't want to think about anything. Not depressed, just desinterested.

11, 6c

Getting very fed-up with this process.

Feel bored and trapped here that I have to do this.

Really didn’t want to talk.

3rd stage; wanting to find a distraction; feeling like throwing it

Feel really bored. I lost interest and wanted to leave lecture.

05, 12c

Happiness, energy

More energy than I have had before. Doing more things than usual.

07, 6c

Felt quite active and energetic. Done quite a lot of yoga.

09, 12c

Feel bright eyed and alert, with alertness stronger in evening, more sharp, quite high, full of energy and talking more than usual.

02, 30c

Felt much more alert and not so dragged down (Curative symptom) which came as a surprise to me.

07, 6c

Felt very alert as soon as I woke up.

03, 15c

Felt very alert on waking up and after shower.

09, 12c

General alertness in evening. Did not nod off in front of TV. No desire for sleep.

11, 6c

Was more alert than usual.

12, 30c

When I took the remedy, felt the vitality of it, very at ease in mind and body, felt just kind of more sparkly, phosphorous.

Find the proving is helping me to be more open, less defensive, not so apprehensive. (Curative Symptom)

10, 12c

Was happy with what I was doing, not objecting to it, when sometimes I hate it. Felt very positive.

09, 12c

Felt very relax during lecture, very receptive, calm and high.

10, 12c

Felt more relaxed and talked more than usual. Less upset by small inconveniences. More happy go lucky.

12, 30c

People think I have been quieter than usual. My friend describes me as having less "boing".

11, 6c

Feeling of stillness is strongly with me, feeling calm and unfussed.

04, 30c

A tendency to remain still. It came naturally, I did not have to think about it.

10, 12c

3rd stage; the substance in the mortar is making me very happy, and I am aware that I want to make an excellent remedy. I am having the sense of the remedy leaving this room and spreading everywhere on the planet, being available to people everywhere and how beneficial it will be.

This is a very nice remedy. I look forward using it with my patients. A lot of energy in it. Very positive. The remedy has a feel of completeness.

Softness; laughter; chatting

Feeling happier than I did this morning

1st stage; at the beginning of this last phase I felt quiet; relaxed; and part of the ‘whole’

2nd stage; found myself staring into space with a general feeling of contentment

Feeling contented

2nd stage: feeling relaxed

Feeling more relaxed and calm

3rd stage: felt contented

Felt calm and relaxed

Contemplative; complete

I am feeling very awake and clear, even though I have slept hardly at all during the night.

2nd stage; feeling happy; content like I could stir around in circles forever

Peace, Tenderness and care

Feelings of tenderness overshadowed by firmness; a need to be firm as has been taught but wanting to be tender/loving. I don’t feel like using much force with the pestle; I notice that I grind softly and gently

Peaceful emerging through a tunnel of emotions

1st stage; have a sense of love and care for the substance

Feelings of emotional balance and feel a connection to the mother who donated the milk

Sense of peace

1st stage; feeling that everything is going to be OK; have a general feeling of wellbeing

Happy to talk

Peaceful; notice whole body seems to want to rotate in harmony with the trituration as if all the cells and muscles are affected

Still feeling peaceful

Towards the end feeling elated; feeling good in myself; feeling complete

3rd stage; Look out to the mountain…peaceful

Messy x correctness

Got very messy; didn’t care; felt like grinding the mortar with my whole arm/shoulder/body behind it; it became almost a rolling motion

I feel like giggling; it all seems so ridiculous all this scraping

Don’t care about being messy; whereas I did during the C1

Noticed I made quite a mess during the scraping phase

Feeling the need to be more gentle with the powder as opposed to the firmness and gusto thus far

Anxious; feeling that I must do things correctly

Feeling the seriousness of what we are doing

2nd stage; finding myself irritable; thinking fastidious thoughts which annoy me easily

Become very messy

Restless

Fidgety; want to get up and move

Very restless all evening, while sitting. Noticed my hands are restless, I am wringing them, also kicks my feet during lectures.

02, 30c

Have to do something every 1/2 hour, restless feeling. Felt quite hyperactive, calmer now.

05, 12c

Feel I have to keep doing things, can't stop to sit down although tired.

11, 6c

Weeping

Waking with tears on my face, don't know to why as could not remember the dream.

04, 30c

Started to weep when reading book about a father looking after two daughters who fight with each other. Started the book two days ago but only today I felt weepy.

12, 30c

Sadness

Generally feeling very depressed and apprehensive, waking up at 4 am, anxious about my work, about not being able to cope

02, 30c

Seeing a picture of my mother made me feel even more sad about her, it made a difference. (Mother terminally ill)

07, 6c

Feel very melancholic during menses. Could cry easily but have Xmas cake to ice so put on moody music and wallow in sentiment whilst doing the cake. Enjoy my own company, others irritate.

11, 6c

Was upset about my Mum. She has gone to Ireland and we missed each other so much but talked on the phone.

13, 12c

1st stage; powder is clinging and I have a sense of sadness but am not sure what about

With Himself/Herself

Relaxed

Sighing

2nd stage; silent; centered

Feeling that whatever I do in this process will be OK; not so anxious

Felt more confident, more at ease and in contact with people. This is a new feeling for me as usually nervous in company. (Curative Symptom)

10, 12c

3rd stage; I have the sense that it is pleasurable to exist in this world, the reluctance is gone.

Wake up feeling spaced out, I don't feel as if I am back in my normal self, not properly in control. I am on a trip, I am spacey. My husband says I am nicer to live with, spaced out as if I was on valium, more relaxed than usual.

01, 30c

Can't make a decision which is unusual

05, 12c

Can't decide which order to do normal tasks. It doesn't seem to matter.

11, 6c

Agitated; antagonistic with a sense of being “forced” to do this; like I was chosen to do it

Also a little reluctant to do that.

Wondering what will be next? Expectant mood.

What is the purpose of my Life? Is it this?

During the second phase of grinding and scraping I have a sense of anticipation. The impression is that I am not just here to enjoy, but that there will be demands on me following.

When it came time to talk in the group I felt like crying then felt nauseous and that lasted for 5 minutes

During the second phase of grinding and scraping I have a sense of determination to fulfill my destiny, despite the obstacles.

Uncertainty

Questioning

Have I done my best? It has To Be

What am I doing here? Why am I chosen to do this?

The words: “exclusion”; “intrusion” seem like reactions; a feeling is just a reaction if we care to indulge

Feeling more accepting of who I am.

Getting old and debilitated

Felt I looked weird but when I looked in the mirror I looked normal.

01, 30c

I feel old.

During the second phase of grinding and scraping I have the sense that with this substance there won’t be such a thing as getting old and debilitated.

Clinging to the old, apprehensive to move forward.

During the second phase of grinding and scraping I have feelings of intensity.

Feelings of Strength

There is a strength coming from the substance, not to give up.

2nd stage; feelings of: strength; divine support; high adventure; the ability to improvise;

mystic vision and the revelations from that.

The fountain of coping with difficulties.

Exchange: in the sense that not only am I receiving strength from the substance, but also that I am releasing my weaknesses into it.

My mind was blank…still; aware only of the waves of warmth in various areas of my body and of a sense of peace

Have more energy; motivation; playing with it; trying to build it up the sides reminds me of making fairy floss

Relax, completeness

2nd stage; I can relax

I have a need to stare at the bowl for long periods

I try “looking” at the breast from the inside

Automatic

Staring; notice others staring

At the end of the first section of the trit there is a sense of completeness but I am disappointed that I wasn’t focused

Feeling certain in what I am doing

Centered; feeling…”beyond”

1st stage; who is this new person?

3rd stage: I finished feeling totally relaxed and quite sleepy

Mind feels very empty; no thoughts (initially)….then, after adding the second lot of lactose I want to control this substance; to make it do what I want; be more efficient with my energy.

Dignity

Q: So…what do I want to do with my Life?

2nd stage; feeling spacey like I’ve had too many coffees

3rd stage; feels and looks like there’s not much substance left; it is all dissolving into my body as I stir

Am aware of my heart chakra

2nd stage; I feel helpless like I have no power…no force to achieve what I need to

The process is nearly complete and I wonder how much a part of this mix I am

2nd stage; the faster you go the more mess you make; that’s how my life feels

Wanting to go this way and that with movement and then wanting to cradle it and be more conscientious with my movements

Found myself grinding with determination and kept “seeing” ‘El Toro’ in the bottom of the bowl; this represents Spain to me and I’m mindful of my need/desire/dream since the death of my aunt to be true to myself and go there.

Health and disease

Dreamt of friend having AIDS, also that I had cancer and that my sister had her eyes and mouth stapled shut.

01, 30c

Cannot face demanding Medical Science text book, usually very keen.

01, 30c

I have the sense that my internal organs must be bleeding also

Thinking about human-to-human transmittable disease. Why do we have so much fear around them?

With the Others

Sympathy

Dreamt I was away and when I came back my father had died but nobody wanted to tell me. My mother told me later how she had not cried but she was crying now. Also dreamt about had gone somewhere and suddenly remembered I had a friend there and had forgotten to see her.

02, 30c

It was to do with a friend of mine who has just died in Rome. Very vivid in my mind and upset by the dream. Saw in dream people I knew consoling each other, lots of sadness.

13, 12c

1st stage; I am aware of relationships and my thoughts are with a person I saw at lunchtime and his pain over a relationship with my daughter. I feel his pain and I realize how fragile we all are

Indifference towards the others

My husband says I am not communicating important things.

01, 30c

Indifferent to husband; wanted to be left alone; realize that I have to cut back on my work load; suffering burnout and need to look after my self better.

Dreamt husband fell off faulty bridge, trying to repair it.

01, 30c

For the first time I felt my privacy was invaded, the flat too crowded, felt like moving out and going away for the week end. I usually prefer company.

13, 12c

Wanted to be alone when irritable, or at least to choose the company which does not aggravate me.

11, 6c

Feel very aware of what people are doing, if I was irritable it would annoy me.

05, 12c

Today I could take college meeting in my stride. Two weeks ago was upset because I felt certain people wanted things without consulting others, very pushy. (Curative symptom)

12, 30c

I talked to my uncle about his problems and this was the first time somebody was talking to him about it while 3 weeks ago I would not have done it. I then cried and felt a lot better for it. I don't often cry.

13, 12c

Unsympathetic

04, 30c

Not very observant, did not even notice patient was crying, a bit detached (laughing when saying this).

05, 12c

2nd stage; everyone in the group, including myself seems to be getting more and more inside themselves, less on the outside.

3rd stage; feeling indifferent; emotionally detached

Not dwelling so much on the problem of cruelty to animals.

12, 30c

Felt like being flippant* and I am. Was flippant with a friend who is expecting her baby today, she was angry with me. To friend overreacting to things, I was saying one of us is being sensitive. Very unusual.

05, 12c

* irreverente

No reaction to anything on the news, unusual for me.

01, 30c

Feel nothing emotionally

This practice does not make me feel happy or excited…just too aware of my demise.

Forsaken and lonely

Feeling left out of the conversation between the people sitting next to me

Felt very alone; wanting to pull away from the group

It felt “comfortable” as if I’d arrived home.

Feel more like an individual today; focusing more on what I’m doing rather than what the group is doing

Feeling at one with myself; realizing that I do have a child-like approach to the world; that’s OK

Feeling of being alone; of possible invading female territory

1st stage; feelings of exclusion from the female group

Frustrated about not being included because of gender

Issues of the ideal in relationships and polarity/unity

2nd stage; empty feeling

How can they be laughing when I feel so miserable?

Feel judged

In restaurant where I used to work. Felt everybody was against me and this feeling in dream was stronger than my usual feeling. I sometimes feel teased if people have different values to me.

13, 12c

No unloved feelings or feeling of abandonment, feel more part of the group. (curative symptom) I am also more assertive in a comfortable way.

02, 30c

Feeling of being on the edge of the class, not integrated, being left out, very strong feeling. Sense of isolation very strong but not worrying.

04, 30c

Felt happy when I woke up, at college in morning, people felt more friendly towards me.

12, 30c

I wrote to a young man to explain why I did not love him. It was like spring cleaning. I think this proving has done me a lot of good. I have never done anything like that. It is now in the past, all clear.

13, 12c

Desire to keep company. Don't want to face quiet house, which is different to earlier, mood swings like this are unknown to me. Have to turn T.V. on for noise.

11, 6c

Quite chatty with sisters in evening. I was generally more talkative for 2 weeks after proving. (curative symptom)

12, 30c

Remembering a time when I was 11 and my mum came to our Athletics Carnival in her lunch hour and brought me some chocolate-coated oatmeal biscuits. I remember thinking they were healthy. Feeling sad and lonely but connected to her. Thinking about how, at those kinds of events, I would sign up to go in everything…not a choice; a bit like my life really; over-commit and then suffer the consequences

If this is about unity it’s about me too i.e. men not being separated from the family unit

During this phase of self-absorption I become mesmerized by the process of working the powder and feel cut off from the group; the other participants fade into the background

It seems to go forever and I am reminded of a family story of when my maternal grandmother came to visit me in the hospital as a newborn she is reputed to have said:

“That’s not it, is it?”

Motherly love

3rd stage; Thoughts of how mother’s love was “enough”

Mother sad but never cried

Looking at the mother like she’s a stranger: Who? Why? How?

Thoughts of my mother and how hard she was and how hard I can be… a sadness; a learned hardness covering the softness; like the soft powder in the hardness of the mortar being crushed by the hardness of the pestle

Is mother-love never enough?

Identifying with my mother who worried about all her children up until she died. She never had the experience of breastfeeding

2nd stage; seeing shapes in the bottom of the bowl; find a spiral and then, the features of a baby

I think of my own mother and how it’s her birthday and how I cannot be with her;

I connect on another level with her and tell her I love her

Humming sound in my ears and enjoying the look of various breasts around the room; feeling like a baby looking at breasts

The woman who gave her milk, which is eternalized in this process.

Did I feed my children well? Was I in the best moment, state of mind while feeding?

3rd stage; keep thinking about making cakes in my mum’s kitchen when I was 6 or 7. I remember the kitchen and making the icing

Trying to work out my age the day my grandmother died; no emotion; cannot remember anything after that until the day of her funeral. And then….to the day of my cousin’s wedding; crying because my mother was crying and not knowing why. I was 8

1st stage; desire to spend more time with my children; to work less hard

Notice lots of doubts and fears rising…about my girls; about my Life; my relationship with my husband; about our sex life

Thoughts of my grandmother and notice a smiley face in the powder

The powder is very sticky; like family ties…the lines from grandmother/mother/daughter

I am thinking of my children and the importance of family

Thinking about my mother and wondered how long she breastfed us and of my relationship with my siblings

Feel the need to cuddle the bowl and pull it towards me

With the Group

It is like the unknown element has entered (what is your name?). Kathy came into the group after we are three quarters done.

Thinking that this must be really boring for a new person to come into; no-one’s talking to; wonder what she was expecting; keep looking at her and wondering who she is

During the second phase of grinding I felt very tired and had fleeting thoughts of many people

1st stage; new person at our table; not happy about it

Feels good to be part of the group yet still have my own space; yet; during the second segment of scraping I felt I had surrendered to the group

The timekeeper allows a momentary break after the addition of this last lot of lactose and during this break the issue of oneness and division of the group came up in conversation

During the scraping had thoughts of becoming part of the group and how little bits of the powder didn’t want to join; I felt like I had to scrape every little bit

During the scraping phase I was aware of people talking and laughing and felt that they should be concentrating on what they were doing

All these people talking – how can they be open to what is coming up for them…judgemental, aren’t I?

Am worried about others not talking this time; was it something I said?

Quiet…Silence Please! (during the first stage of C1 the participants were very chatty)

Reflecting on not having experienced stuff/events with others; am usually on my own and then told about it later-childhood/adulthood

3rd stage; not an issue of rights on either side, but an issue of relationship from a truly higher-consciousness perspective. We move from our body perspective to more general perspective

Facilitating group experience, apart from my own destiny to be fulfilled.

I notice others and am interested in what they’re saying and doing

The names of Matthew; Mark; Luke and John come into my mind

I notice the gaiety and chatter in the room

There is beauty in others

Empathy

Almost feels tribal

3rd stage; feeling the need to look around the group; to connect with others; am not so focused on the bowl

Am noticing the knocking sounds from other people

Feelings that it’s OK to be part of the group and, in that way, become more powerful, complete etc.

I wonder what someone looking in from outside might think? It feels like being in a room full of industrious elves; was it Rumplestiltskin for whom the elves wove gold from straw?

Three people during the week have unburdened their souls to me, maybe feeling rather vague and not together has presented them with a more approachable front than usual. Perhaps it is more difficult to speak like that to someone who is very buoyant* as I usually am.

11, 6c

*leve, alegre

During the second phase of grinding and scraping I became contemplative; enjoying the silence of the room but feeling connected to the group

3rd stage; feeling more like talking

What am I doing here? Do I really want to be here? No insights are coming to me

2nd stage; thinking about my partner driving my car this afternoon and feeling connected to her. It’s not my car but ours and a sense of us…not her and I

Need to bring unity into consciousness

Thinking about how important it is to be respectful and pay appropriate homage when it is due and how I get annoyed at those who don’t do this

feeling “lost in space”; the room is now very quiet; the chatter has settled

Everyone is looking flushed and now there’s a very different feeling in the room

I looked up and noticed one lady looking at me and we both smiled; her face looked lovely; serene and soft

2nd stage; in the break there is a joke and laughter and I can see the need for some relief from the silence and intensity

Predicted the exact time of scraping; very “at one” with the experience

Great feelings of disappointment

3rd stage; people who are lost and frightened

From where thy soul comes - let them know

2nd stage; kept “seeing” faces in the bottom of the bowl:

Peter Costello; FD Roosevelt; Abraham Lincoln; Tibetans (3 of them including a small child); Geronimo

I remember a very silly dream last night of how the President was hovering in a helicopter outside here to take with him what we had produced.

With the Environment

Scraping (the remedy)

Feel I am noticing the surface texture of things more than usual, like Victorian pre-Raphaelite lighting to everything.

01, 30c

Why is the scraping so important; what is its purpose?

The scraping is becoming very easy, as if the substance wants to become integrated.

3rd stage; I want to play with it and make a sound

Aware of different intensities with the mortar and pestle; wanting to be softer with it; wanting to stop; as if it had had enough

Right to Left - and vice-versa

Wanted to use my L hand to work the pestle (normally R-handed); swapped halfway through again; remembered that I used both hands as a child

1st stage; had the feeling that I was working with a crystal singing bowl and I didn’t want to grind; merely to go in a circular movement (L ?? R) around the bowl

I feel the need to scrape from L ?? R while turning the bowl from R ?? L

As soon as I had that thought I simply HAD to change the manner in which I was triturating and began working the pestle in a R ?? L movement as if it was a compulsion

My attention is drawn to the circles that the contours of the pestle make in the powder…

RINGS; CONCENTRIC; MANDALA come to mind and I have the thought that for the next de-brief session we should go R ?? L (initial de-brief went L ?? R around the group)

Had a thought….why not try the other hand? Did for a little while

Close my eyes to try and center; see the circular motion of the grinding

I’m ambidextrous but notice that I am almost compelled to work the powder in a R ?? L direction

1st stage; after about 5 minutes become annoyed that the powder is not as uniform as it started out as; had been enjoying the circular motion; thinking it looked like a breast with the empty circle in the middle looking like a nipple

2nd stage; feeling happy; content like I could stir around in circles forever

During this lot of scraping I became worried that I’d drop the mortar

Feel the need to scrape in a circular manner

I want to scrape the mortar spotless

Notice that the powder is stuck less to the sides this time as there is less of it

Thought I kept seeing an eyelash in the sac lac

Notice how rough the table feels

Mortar feels warm

1st stage; enjoy the whirring sound of the grinding

Everyone is so great; mortars and pestles are making music

Clean, perfect, uniform

Substance is making layers on the sides of the mortar

Conscious of not forgetting to incorporate the bits of the powder that lie at the top of the mortar near the rim

Notice that my scraping is harder; more definite

2nd stage; still really aware of the top areas

Feel the need to get the scraping perfect

The scraping is so much better; all the sides are coming clean.

I felt a sense of panic at the thought that I wouldn’t get it all scraped perfectly

Again quite fastidious with the scraping and wanted more time; would rather scrape than grind; I’m not so interested in the pestle today am more concerned for the bowl

Wanting to play with the powder; am not so concerned with uniformity

During the scraping I lost the sense of needing to be uniform – just doing it without thought or determination

Seems like the longest 4 minutes of scraping yet

Then opened my eyes and thought….what’s the purpose to stirring this white powder around endlessly; will it turn liquid?

Seems like another long scraping time

Wondering again if something magical is going to happen to the substance

Spatula feels awkward – panic; what if I run out of time this time and don’t scrape it all?

I feel like I have powder all over me

3rd stage; another long scraping session

Be gentle; firm but gentle; noticing the smoothness of the powder

The more you go over the top parts (i.e. the past) the more that caves in and the less smooth it is

Firm yet gentle and consistent

3rd stage; enjoying the sensuality of the grinding in the mortar and aware of the different feelings through my arm that occur when working with the lactose as opposed to grinding on the bare patches of the mortar

1st stage; working the lactose seems very difficult; no sense of flow; awkward; clumsy; irritable

Grinding more vigorously than before; happy to do it as hard as possible

3rd stage; Clumsy; spilled a bit; lacking concentration

Mixture seems moist during the scraping phase as if it’s a paste

Am reluctant to begin working the powder; it seems so fragile so I start slowly and carefully; am reluctant to go too deep

1st stage; substance seems to be more sticky; rides up the rim higher, harder to scrape; my hands are sore

I find it difficult to scrape during the first scraping segment

I scrape the letters N and W in the bottom of the bowl

3rd stage; goes so smoothly; how well the powder covers the bowl

1st stage; lactose seems thick and creamy and the edges look like little horizons

Focus on the patterns being made on the sides of the mortar

Felt like being very gentle; delicate with it

Wanting to play with it; to make fancy shapes

I do a drawing of Supergirl running in the bottom of the mortar

I wanted to get it all and not waste any bit and ended up with a whole heap on the table!!!

1st stage; notice a stubborn resistance as I make the motions ?? stiffness in my arm

The powder keeps riding up the sides as if it’s trying to jump over the edge

The parts that remain during the scraping process help to shape the future so must remain

Kaleidoscope effect on the powder in the bottom of the bowl

We are all given opportunities to scrape

The substance may have reached its destination but it enables me to start

I feel compelled to say: “Thank you”

Thoughts of the milk in the dropper as it was shared out; of its whiteness and now the whiteness of the powder

There is a silence now in the room and yet a busy-ness with it of the mortars and pestles

I am more aware of the consistency of the powder; sometimes smooth; sometimes rough and of the patterns and the motions

1st stage; am aware of the need to do a good job; I should mix so that the remnants of the C1 are collected

Aware of the rhythm and sounds of the clinking and whirring of the mortars and pestles.

I like the uniformity of the circles formed during grinding

I enjoy looking at all the circles formed even though I have thoughts such as : “Is this a downward or an upward spiral?”

Wanting to slow down the rate of the movement of the pestle…to become less intense; to be more gentle

Wanting to be very gentle during the scraping

Scraping seemed to go on too long

2nd stage; still holding bowl away from me; not interested; indifferent and wanting to write with my L hand again

3rd stage; am holding the bowl gingerly only because of the extra bulk in the bowl

During the first scraping phase I began fastidiously but later began to play with the powder

Notice the solid nature of the powder; three seems to be hardly any movement in the bowl

Scraping is like nails on a chalkboard or teeth scraping; sends shivers up my back

The Vortex

Feels like being seduced deeper into the vortex

Forms in the edge of the vortex

Vortex of milk…of stories…of the family swept into the vortex

The vortex….family forming…breaking apart….re-forming

The vortex used to frighten me. It doesn’t do that any more. It is exhilarating and I am looking forward to it.

1st stage; feeling of being sucked into the process.

As if invited to enter my personal inward spiral

Thinking about vortex analogy with darker interpretation; the Destroyer

Time

Loss of track of time with strong desire to close eyes

2nd stage; weird feelings of “hurry” vs. “all the time in the world” feelings alternate

Seemed like there wasn’t enough time for scraping

The first scraping segment seemed to take forever

I lose a sense of time

Impatient; seems as if time is too slow

I am feeling aware of time passing…my time…my mortality. I don’t like these feelings.

Time goes quickly

Time seems long

Time passes so quickly

2nd stage; losing track of time

Time passed quickly

Each stage of the C2 seems longer than the C1 which seemed to go quickly

A sense of timelessness; the sounds are soft and muffled like a heart beat

The whole series seemed to go very quickly as if I wasn’t aware of time.

My spacial judgement is affected, found it difficult to mix small quantities of icing on buns, to work out the distance while driving, thinking there was plenty of space when there was not, and tried to touch nose with eyes shut but failed, so feel that spacial misfunction is real not an illusion. Feel the remedy is taking me over.

01, 30c

Stuck in the emotions. Diffusing around the perimeter, leaving the center wide open.

Do not like this scrutiny, my own of myself or my supervisor of me. It almost feel like an intrusion. I must be more private than I thought.

04, 30c

Nurturing/hunger

Didn't worry about what I ate, ate loads, all my favourite things, most unusual.

05, 12c

Had a very trying time making a cake, very clumsy and could not read ingredients properly.

01, 30c

Eating sneakily, at 4pm really fancy a cream cake or doughnut. Must unusual.

04, 30c

Appetite definitely increased, unusual desire for carbohydrates and sweets, usually have only fruit for breakfast, now I have fruit and toasts and a biscuit mid morning.

04, 30c

Absolutely starving, bought all the things you shouldn't. Ate all my favorite foods, ate loads which is most unusual, bread pudding, wine gums, biscuits, would usually resist the urge, I would eat if I was bad.

05, 12c

I keep thinking about food all the time, can't wait for next meal and can eat as much as I want without feeling sick.

13, 12c

Ate biscuits and sweets, definitely acquired a sweet tooth.

05, 12c

Desire bacon, especially in sandwich which is very unusual.

11, 6c

I gained three pounds during the proving, which lasted 15 days.

09, 12c

That there is abundance. Thinking of the enormous amount of remedy base we have made this weekend.

How we are nurtured when coming into the body, and when that is given and received well, then that human being will be able to give so much also to others. And when everything doesn’t go so well, then we have the remedy.

I want to speak about the nurturance.

Sense that the whole world needs nurturing, which will require consciousness

No more physical discomfort. I am feeling nurtured by the substance, but not in a warm and fuzzy way, rather nurtured into clarity and awareness of self and others around me.

1st stage; after the nurturing experience of C3 I am feeling exited.

During the next scraping phase I began to think that I must start up yoga again as I am so in need of nurturance of the self

3rd stage; have an understanding of the ebb and flow of being human and the ability of giving and nurturing others to help them come to their full potential.

My instinct is to want to nurture but I realize this is probably a from of control and I need to relax and let things be

3rd stage; it’s starting to look like ice cream

The Divine

Divine origin of the soul.

Accept universal love; nothing is comparable in the material world

Opportunity for Universal Love

2nd stage; had a sense of myself being a part of a spiritual/religious order where all were intent on one purpose…the performance of a simple repetitive task in the group rather than alone else it would seem to be boring. I had the sense that I was both a monk AND a nun; we were wearing brown robes (at least half of the participants in the trituration wore brown and/or green clothing during both days); an orange glow was coming through the windows

Towards the end of this second stage I was silently repeating the mantra “Less is More”

It’s like I’m on a spiritual/silent retreat; thinking of my daughter’s boyfriend and his meditative Kung Fu

The mortar and pestle connects us to the Sacred…(Shiva and Shakti)

I have the feeling that the mortar and pestle are like the Hindu symbols: lingam/yoni

Need to raise the Collective Consciousness

I settle down and feel that it’s part of the Rhythm of Life

The Rings of Saturn come to mind… connection to the outer

1st stage; thinking of the Circle of Life and find myself weepy; teary…with happiness

Detachment

When tried to imagine the remedy, the words that came to mind were benevolence and detachment. The image of the sun as a child would draw it.

04, 30c

During the second phase of grinding and scraping my thoughts turn to…..origins.

As I hold the mortar I reflect on the song: “You’ve got the whole world in your hands”

My first thought is that it looks like a mushroom cloud; my second that it looks like the brain; brain stem and spinal cord

02, 30c

While doing visualisation was very interested in my birth, birthplace and felt I need to ask my mother more about it.

04, 30c

What is my Soul’s purpose?

I got the answer to my question about my Soul’s purpose….it’s To Love.

During the second phase of grinding and scraping phrases kept coming to me…

“Even though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death I will fear no evil.” (Psalm 23)

Wondering why…why are these well-known clichés and phrases coming to me?

I feel the need to place the tip of my tongue at the junction of the soft and hard palate to form a bridge between the Functional and Governor channels thus initiating the Grand Macrocosmic Orbit (an esoteric Taoist practice that is thought to mimic a return to the womb; it is at this spot that the tip of the mother’s nipple lies as the baby suckles)

I centre on myself and my own energies as they work around and around through the chakras

Words can hardly describe the feeling…very blissful

Forgiveness of Self; teary

Feel a connection with genes

Creation; Artwork….excitement of creation

Experimenting with Form/Position

Matriarchy – Creativity

Colors

Softened awareness; I notice the pink walls

Noticing colors in the room…red; orange; pink

Softness

People tell me my clothes are more colourful.

01, 30c

Another dream with lots of people but main thing was the colourfulness of dream. lots of colours.

13, 12c

Dream was silly but main thing was the vividness of it, could see clearly everything to the tiniest detail.

02, 30c

Dream of college and people at college but not in real situation: getting buses, dancing, parties. Very colourful and vivid.

02, 30c

Remember my dreams much more than usual, vivid, real, colourful dreams.

13, 12c

Mesmerized by the whiteness of the powder – pure; without Original Sin

Complete; complete coverage; all-over whiteness; the completion of….?

Annoyed by the small imperfection in the bowl; it seemed to be getting bigger and turning black

My mind is free ranging over various current astrological conjunctions

Today the scraping is artistic; form/chaos

Want it to be beautiful; out there!

I have the need to get “in sync”

Symmetry; form

Seeing the powder falling is reminding me of the sand dunes we used to play on when we were kids

Remember getting a tea set for Christmas from my dad’s boss and of being in the car with it

It seems as if the powder is different from the other 3 stages; is more fine and I have a sense of “Nurture”

Thinking about our lunchtime conversation about the next galaxy and other dimensions and saw myself on a spaceship (like Star Trek)

Sense of sitting back from earlier feelings to get a perspective

Sense of more clarity

Thoughts of being surrounded with nails as if there’s an infusion of blood and that the powder is infused with blood

Heart

More shapes in the bottom of my bowl – a heart and then, a butterfly

I began to use my L hand again and “drew” a heart in the bottom of the bowl as I was thinking of the heart chakra and felt that the powder began to glow pink; I notice that the walls of the room are pink and remember how at a seminar once a presentation reminded us that the heart chakra is really pink and not green as is commonly believed nowadays

Have the feeling while working the powder that I am making a nest; have thoughts of comfort and feeling the need for security (Human mammals are altricial rather than precocious; i.e. they need a safe nest in which to complete their basic development; the mother’s arms and breasts constitute this nest)

1st stage; thinking on the concept of Passages of Life….the layers; spots missing from Life; areas we cannot reach

Patterns and rhythms

During this phase I’m obsessed with patterns and rhythms made by the mortar and pestle; the sounds and feelings

Spiral – Tunnel

What’s it all about? Breath? Movement?

The room is quiet with no talking; only the whirring sound; very rhythmic

Some lovely patterns are emerging on the sides of the bowl during the scraping

The movement of going round and round is mesmerizing

Rhythmic sounds

Feel like swaying in a circle

Industrious sounds and concentration

During the scraping thought the “tingle” sounds were funny; everyone so busy!

Creative vs. Bored; destructive; trying to create patterns; annoyed

Wanting to be creative; watching the patterns, the pestle makes in the mortar.

3rd stage; really wanting to find my rhythm now

During the second phase of grinding and scraping I notice that the energy is beginning to flow. The substance is making very even, beautiful, symmetric patterns in the mortar, like a painting.

3rd stage; found I was now grinding R?? L and was being more playful with the powder

1st stage; it’s all about circles; the C4 has 8 circles in the nominated value; I think of the Olympic Rings and how they are other circles that unite Humanity

Thoughts persist of: systems; methods; patterns; incorrect vs. incorrect ways

Thoughts of Methodology; Systems; There are ways that things should be!

Notice a “flower” on the bottom of the pestle: 4 petals and 4 stamens

I look up again and there’s a pram

Thoughts of polarity /duality; soft/hard; white/dark; quiet/soft; smooth/rough….opposite sex

2nd stage; Thoughts that it’s an aboriginal tool used to send messages

You mould; shape; change it yet it holds all the keys

It’s a journey with all parts connected

Thoughts of belonging; of home

2nd stage; I am aware of the silence in the room; the concentration and the whirring. This is a cocooned state while the buses and cars and busyness happen outside

Not needing to have a circle or “nipple” in the middle

I then had the need to cradle the bowl in the palm of my hand; keeping it close to my body and remembering the times I used to prepared veggies for my babies and ‘saw’ the face of my mother in her 30s

1st stage; time seemed to go quickly although during the first scraping phase time seemed too long and I wanted to stop way before we did so. However, during the second scraping phase I was quite fastidious and didn’t want to stop

During the second phase I noticed that the bowl was far away from me…like it was at a distance and I was OK about that

During the grinding was aware of how quite the room had become

Notice a somber mood in the room half way through this phase of the trit

Animal Life

Very aware of the sounds of the birdlife outside; cannot see them but can hear them

Birds. Flight, escape, stifled.

I dreamt of two pigeons without heads. No blood, they just end at the neck. Someone (male) is holding one of them in his lap, trying to pluck its feathers, pulling on them.

The pigeon cannot make a sound – it hasn’t got a head. The pigeon wants to escape, flapping its wings. Then actually lifting off, and flying a short distance. Then bumping into a thin pole, and falling down. Without a head it cannot see where it is going. Many more attempts of flying, but it keeps bumping into things, and falling down.

This is awful to watch. I am thinking that it would be better off dead.

Next I am in an egg and poultry factory. I am with several other people, don’t know any of them. They are talking, arguing. I feel terrible about the chickens there. Someone ties a hand grenade onto a chicken and pulls the pin. I am trying to untie the hand grenade, but can’t do it fast enough, I am terrified of it going off.

Someone opens the barn gate a little (the light comes in), grabs the chicken from my lap, and throws it outside up into the air, and quickly pulls the gate shut. I am thinking, this is the first time, this chicken has seen daylight, and its only chance of flying, even if it doesn’t get very far. Then we hear the grenade explode.

I wake at dawn with the birds and the sun; aware that I’ve been dreaming about a baby but the details are hazy.

I have the image of the silhouette of a delicate winged insect....a butterfly and feel that all these images/snippets have been “sent” for me to reflect on.

2nd stage; notice a butterfly pattern form

Thinking of the goldfish in my dream last night trying to get my attention. What was he trying to tell me?

When thinking about the remedy I imagined I was in a field and a spotty frog came and went, then a spotty ladybird. By night if it was a warm and woolly animal it would be a sheep with a brain to match. I am noticing circles in words and shapes and made a circular cake today.

01, 30c

Recurrent dreams of snow, babies, collapsing rooves and houses, railways.

01, 30c

Dreamt of a lake of white milk and a baby Polar bear.

01, 30c

Dreamt of going to the cinema with children but revolution intervened.

01, 30c

Dreamt of animals with spots: frogs and ladybirds, same as when I imagined the remedy.

01, 30c

Dreamt of lions roaring and teeth biting, of a friend pining for a baby and looking at one adoringly, also old fashioned railways from which babies fell. Also that I had a right sided rash all over my face. Is the remedy responsible for this? Feel weird, as if I would start to dream again if I shut my eyes, like when you have flu.

01, 30c

Dream of freak snowfall over fields of yellow corn and oilseed rape. I was trying to save naked babies from the cold and being pursued by hungry fish type reptile.

01, 30c

Very vivid and precise. Two horrible dreams about animals: a dog attacked by two cats and of a bull terrier which terrorizes cats.

12, 30c

War, fights, danger

Disaster movie dream, in a remote ski-resort with heavy snow in a crumbling cottage, I had magical powers, my friend with dying child tried to reach the place in terrible conditions. Two low flying jets came and snow and roves started to collapse onto us. Also dreamt sister had a baby by man she didn't care for and boyfriend stood by being gallant and understanding.

01, 30c

Dream of spinning, knitting and weaving, jewel thieves and railways, lorries falling off bridges.

01, 30c

Dream of bomb attack and that night there was a bomb explosion in Brent Cross which I was told about when I woke up.

07, 6c

Dream in three phases: First in garden with friends, then lying in box of fork lift truck with feeling that If I stay still I'll be OK, if I move it'll be dangerous and lastly going down hill, fast on a motorbike. Not a chase, just looking at scenery. Felt this was a dream about ups and downs.

10, 12c

To do with trains and special circumstances like a war but no war.

10, 12c

Dream based on TV programme on South Africa. I was a demonstrator and was chased by police, it was frightening so I woke up but managed to go back to sleep. (prover comes from Zimbabwe)

12, 30c

Should I be driving, don't care about it as I usually would, feel more detached. Feel a complete liability, not quite there, like when you have flu, slightly sweaty. Detached when making love and for example saw child falling off his bike a few cars ahead of me but did not feel burning urge to stop. Strangely, his bike was twisted up in a way that tied in with my dream.

01, 30c

Felt light-headed, dissociated as if it all happening to someone else. amel. hot drink. Feeling of a firework exploding with sparks going off. Felt diffusion, diversification.

11, 6c

Cleaning

Cleaned car inside and out, even though I had to put 3 extension leads together, annoyed more than usual by mess, the car is 3 years old and never cleaned it before then mowed the lawn. I am more tidy and could not have sat with a book when disorganised, applying myself with cooking and felt upset by mess on floor. Most unusual.

01, 30c

A need to be orderly. Tidied kitchen cupboards (this only happens every other year in my house). Hoovered much more than normal. "Am I nesting?"

11, 6c

Want to dress up so as not to look untidy going to pub. Much more formal dress than usual.

11, 6c

I want things to be even more tidy. I have become a bit worse.

12, 30c

In a spring (January) cleaning mood - cleaned flat, had a hair cut, did the laundry, felt like having a new me.

13, 12c

I feel like I’m in the snow country; white is everywhere

Dreamt also that I was cleaning two over-driven, very sweaty cart horses with a small dishcloth.

Felt very clean during the last scraping; very pure; fluffy; soft

Work

Find myself: organizing; problem-solving planning

Feeling overwhelmed by it all; there’s too much to do

Again feeling the care and responsibility that I started with

Thoughts of doubt; of my benefit to the group…”what good am I? all my contributions are silly; why did I say that?”

Finished with the thought of rather than asking the Rx…what can you give me….I asked

What can I give?

I feel that I need to be as centered as I can be and yet a part of me wants to laugh

Industriousness.

Opportunities for all of us, how unlimited it all is.

I could be baking bread

Women in Africa preparing food

Women in Central America working the corn

Writing a story in my head of the experience today

Thinking about a business idea

Still planning and organizing; mainly about clearing out all the junk at my house that isn’t mine but is cluttering up my space. Nothing new will come into our lives until we clear out the old; determined to get it done

Sense that the whole world needs nurturing which will require consciousness

3rd stage; it seems to be a never-ending job; going round in circles forever

It’s routine…try to keep to the routine; elicits a morose mood

Feelings of responsibility…this is my responsibility (like a child? – to complete this task is non-negotiable; there’s no way out)

During the scraping phase I kept trying to create something; to make a shape that would stand up all by itself

1st stage; thoughts of creating something; to “make” something out of this as in cooking Am reminded that the movements of the scraper are somewhat like cooking with milk

2nd stage; feeling that each one was holding a cupful of the blueprint of Life – a cupful of Potentials as if it’s a condensed version of all that is possible

My thoughts are of patients and cases and the need to get it right and it occurs to me that I need to trust more and try to control less

Everyone seems to be scraping frantically and furiously

Great sense of industriousness in the room

Concentration and enthusiastic tinkling of the ceramic

Focus on the seriousness of the task

Quietude and concentration

Irritated by the break in rhythm of the trituration; tinkles and taps aggravate

I would like to live in a hotel, just me, no responsiblities or work just eat and please no one but me.

04, 30c

Male

Secret Men’s Business which is done behind closed doors; hard walls; fortresses

Men’s is all balls and brass

Dream of people at college again, with other homoeopaths involved, all camping. Some part of dream to do with sexual relation between homoeopath and patient.

02, 30c

Female

Sexual desire increased, easily excited by clothes and pressure.

02, 30c

01, 30c

Dreamt husband fell off faulty bridge, trying to repair it.

01, 30c

Strange dream: Mother featured in it, holding a dutch cap and spermicide. She was talking to me about the need to be prepared at all times. Usually she would not talk about this at all. No sexual dreams usually. Very colourful. I could draw a picture of her as she was in dream. All this surprised me and I thought "I did not know she used one of these".

11, 6c

3rd stage; during the scraping another song snippet comes to me: “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”

Women with family; telling stories to children; grandparents…..

Grandmothers

Thoughts of a mother breastfeeding; feeling love for baby; wanting to nurture it and finally getting into a comfortable rhythm

The mixture in the bowl reminds me of a breast…white contours with the nipple in the centre

2nd stage; thoughts of support – particularly how breastfeeding mothers need support

Thinking about what was said earlier about the usual ratio among mammals for there to be one male to several females in each group

When I look closely at how the nomenclature for each stage goes up by 2 zeros each time I have the thought that one of them is for the female and one for the male

What a profound experience: Mother’s milk.

I want to escape…where’s the escape with breastfeeding...with night feeds…children???

Fighting it doesn’t work so have decided to make a choice – to yield – to relax. By choosing acceptance I place the rhythm of the child beyond my own rhythms

Power of the Feminine…The Dark Feminine??

Thoughts of my girls (twins) weaning no longer makes me feel sad

3rd stage; Secret Women’s Business…like making herbs; have recollections of that long, long, ago time and note that it is different from

Women’s is being soft…herbs; breasts; quiet words; the look of

The milk is the bridge the common link between the two: male and female

Feelings like at the beginning of the C1 trit of the bowl being like a breast with the clear space in the bottom representing the nipple

More chatting in the room; talking of babies and grandchildren

1st stage; it occurred to me that I had a dream last night about breastfeeding. I normally don’t remember my dreams much but it was a nice feeling. I don’t remember many details….just the feeling of the warmth

Childhood

Collective of children; the safety they have in first relationships; there is a sense of intimacy in the relationships that children have with each other

2nd stage; felt like a child

Sense of comfort initially feeding my baby girl as opposed to feeding my boy

Dreamt I was in charge of a group of children playing. Didn't recognise where it was. There was some sort of drama in which Izzy was involved. He had a really nasty looking sore on his leg and while I was putting on a plaster I said something really hurtful to him. It was done with deliberate malice, straight for the jugular. Then I went for a walk and saw children swimming. I felt bad about Izzy but not bad enough to go and try to make it right. Some part of me felt quite gleeful about having such an effect.

04, 30c

Driving down norrow country lanes to see a child in school, not mine I think. Rember having to back up a lane, there was a very high old brick wall, like the wall of a castle. At school, two receptionists one of whom was another prover. They asked if could take very fat black pen to head. Then waking along side a canal with an older man looking at buildings, discussing the patterns of bricks, shapes of windows and chimneys. Canal was slow moving.

04, 30c

Dreamt I was on a coach journey with friend and her baby and lots of American Indians women with baskets and livestock. I took the baby from her and it was my daughter. We left friend behind at a stop with the baby basket, but no baby. Then dream became muddled but before I woke up I was playing pat-a-cake with daughter, one year old by then.

04, 30c

Dreamt I was in Paris doing lots of shopping in big fashion house then met daughters who were incredibly beautiful, slim and charming to have coffee. The place was the college canteen and there I met the young man I nearly married - he just looked the same as when I last saw him except he was very untidy (he used to be very tidy). We talked for a while then he left and felt no regret than in the end I chose to marry someone else.

04, 30c

Dreamt of a time when as a child had to leave cat behind, felt sad in dream.

05, 12c

Intellectual

Felt as if it was difficult to concentrate but at the same time worked quite well followed by excellent concentration after 6 pm.

02, 30c

Concentration was difficult.

04, 30c

Concentration terrible, did not persevere as much as usual.

05, 12c

Feel easy with my work. Feel it might have improved due to better concentration (Curative Symtom).

07, 6c

Concentration good, clearer and deeper attention in lecture time. A time to look and see rather than mechanically react.

10, 12c

Concentration difficult. Could not pull thoughts together. Couldn't focus long enough on any one thought. Feel more together in company, concentration is not so difficult then.

11, 6c

Driving difficult. My anticipation is slow, I am not thinking of which lane I need, in time to make the manoeuvres. Don't feel I am really safe driving the car.

11, 6c

Appeared to be more clear headed at college and concentrated better while reading in bed in evening. Had difficulty concentrating before proving. (curative symptom)

12, 30c

Felt I had to get my brain into gear during lecture.

13, 12c

I find it difficult to analyze things, have to be shaken up.

01, 30c

Due to headache, could not think straight.

09, 12c

Fuzziness in waves, when it comes I can't hold a thought and just watch it waft away like mist.

11, 6c

I have woken up feeling drunk several mornings, not a hangover but as if I had a few drinks. Very light headed.

01, 30c

Felt high with the pressure on the head symptoms, as if on drugs but no drugs.

10, 12c

When I woke up felt groggy like if I had had something to drink, very heady.

13, 12c

Cannot think clearly.

I feel if I were to close my eyes, I would start to dream again.

01, 30c

Went into supermarket with parking ticket thinking it was my shopping list.

04, 30c

On reading paper could not recall anything read. amel. washing hair.

11, 6c

Barely able to write this report, difficulty to connect. Got out 2 teaspoons instead of 2 teaspoons of sugar, my working out of figures is just impossible and my cooking abilities are definitely downgrading as forgot to put yeast in pizza.

01, 30c

Having to think about spelling which suddenly feels difficult. Even words spelt correctly didn't look right. Irritable because I can't spell or write properly which ended up by making me very frustrated.

04, 30c

Never done this in my life. In cash machine, I put card in and took it out but left money in. I hope somebody who needed it got it.

13, 12c

All day friday was in a dream, hence the mistake at cash machine.

13, 12c

Difficulty to connect with tongue and words disconnected. I know am probably saying silly things and it is hard to actually realise what is happening.

01, 30c

There is a new clarity; the fogginess in my brain is disappearing.

Head very clear; easy to concentrate on what I am doing.

Handwriting looking strange

My mind is clear but vague; can’t connect my thoughts

Having difficulty with words; the spelling of words; head is foggy/dreamy much as it is during breastfeeding when it’s sometimes difficult to remember words

Nice concentration in the room, no one is talking.

2nd stage; lots of annoying mental chatter

There’s a great intellectual battle; how do you distinguish between what is me and what is the Rx? To do so would mean relinquishing the Ego

During the second phase of grinding I became mindless; far away

Have a sense of Beauty associated with the profession; there’s both Beauty and Intensity associated with the effect from all the concentration

Need to concentrate

Persistence

Estudos

LAC HUMANUM